What’s a soulmate?
When I say that you are my soulmate, I mean that I perceive a natural connection between the two of us that transcends time, and that you will remain my soulmate no matter what the future brings. That’s my take on the spiritual/metaphysical aspect of soulmates. I genuinely believe we share such a connection.
On a more practical level, it means that you are irreplaceable to me, and me to you. It means that we are perfectly suited to one another. It does not, however, mean we can read one another’s minds or that we are guaranteed permanent satisfaction having found one another. But we found one another. Thank god.
“To know the pain of too much tenderness.”
I treat the pain of your absence like I treat the oppressive heat of Houston in the summer months. I recognize it and refuse to mention it to anyone—especially myself. That which can be named is the mother of ten thousand things.
I try to make any sadness I feel in response to you not being present sit in the corner with its nose against the wall like the bad little child it is.
I prefer, for obvious reasons, to think of you inside me. I think of you moving around on top of me. I liked it when you put all your weight down on me.
On some level, I’ve always appreciated the feeling of being bound or otherwise pinned down. I equate being restrained with caring, on some level. We put gates and fences around the things we care about. I am certain this has to do with the lack of supervision I experienced as a teenager and how I longed for my parents to tune in and discipline me for some transgression. And now here I am, all grown up, asking daddy to ground me to the bed with his naked body.
Okay. I just got a bit turned on.
I took down the Midge Sinclair site. I disabled the P411 account. I will allow my Eros ad to lapse, if it has not already. I wanted you to want that from me on an emotional level for the same reason I wanted to feel your weight on my body. I do not want to pretend to passionately desire the hands of other men on my body. That takes sensual energy, even when feigned.
I want all of my sensual energy to flow your way. So I want you to want it all, whether or not you think you’re in any position to ask for it. Please treat me like your garden. Fence me in. Care for me,