You probably expect me to write about how I would give anything to be lying in your arms like I was earlier today. You probably expect me to say something about how kissing you is perhaps my favorite thing to do in the entire world. You probably think I’m going to rhapsodize about the classic sexiness of your body as a whole before considering all its constituent parts—like where your thigh runs into your hip, or that crease between your butt and your hamstring, or the broad roundness of your muscular shoulders.
Well, at least I’m predictable. Seeing you this afternoon was the greatest, Baby.
I am thinking about the version of myself who put those notes around for you to find. I just remember being alone and in your space and feeling sad about the prospect of losing you. I wanted to leave parts of me behind for you. And, of course, they’re true. I have waited my whole life to be loved like you love me. I love you too. That’s what this thing between you and me is all about.
I also would like to respond to something I’ve heard you say repeatedly since Christmas. You keep saying how awful it was that you rejected Robin’s advances and how sorry you are for hurting her by doing so. The thing is, though, that I asked you to do that because it just killed me to think of you making love to anyone except me.
Obviously, my attitude towards monogamy has shifted. It has shifted, in part, to accommodate this relationship. i have learned that emotional intimacy has always been and always will be more important to me than sexual monogamy. But at that time it meant a lot that you said you wanted to reserve your sensual energy for me.
Had you not avoided physical intimacy with her, it would have hurt me. So, while I understand that you feel bad about that, I’d like to remind you that you did it for the sake of preserving my feelings. I appreciate that you honored me in that way during a time when I was just beginning to learn how to give all myself to you. Even though you don’t mean it, whenever I hear you say how bad you feel for denying her during that time, I feel like you’re saying you regret being faithful to me.
Again, I know that’s not what you mean to say. I just thought letting you know I felt this way might provide some further perspective on the matter and that maybe you could feel slightly less guilty over that aspect of all this.
The only thing I have left to say is that I love you now more than ever before. Goodnight my Sweeeetz.