Baby. Every single day I wake up as your lover and friend is some degree of magical to me. You and I have created, are creating, a world for ourselves. At the same time, we have navigated, are navigating our pre-existing worlds.

I know you love Tim and want to see me be good to him. I do try to be a good partner to him. I know you are not jealous. I don’t think you feel betrayed by me. But sometimes I feel so guilty for playing girlfriend to Tim, as if I’m not being true to you. But I think what’s actually bothering me is that I am not being true to myself.

It’s not something that’s consuming me—because ultimately, I know what my feelings are and where everyone stands with me. It’s just something that I wanted to tease out a bit. You know, to chew on the discomfort, to get it’s flavor profile, to understand it, to make it less confusing. I remember what you said about the pain of confusion.

I suppose my situation is actually not that confusing. I am in love with you. I am here because I need Tim’s support. I sleep in the bed with him, but there is not one inch of me, inside or out, that does not long to be pressed against you. My heart is not here in this bed unless you are here too, and I know you don’t necessarily want that to be the case for me, but it is very much the case.

And I love that it’s the case because, goddammit Mistah Wahrshboin, I love you and everything that loving you entails. You are my love story. You are my goodnight kiss. Get in this bed with me as soon as possible so my heart and body can collide with your heart and body. Get in this bed with me as soon as possible so my heart and body can be in the same place again.