I was just thinking about how at some point last January, you said to me, “I just feel like I need to protect us.” Us, meaning you and me. It popped into my head just after we hung up and the smile I get from laughing and playing with you was still lingering on my face. I just heard your voice in my head saying that to me, telling me you wanted to protect us.
I want to apologize right here for telling you that you were a taker. That I give and you take. I am so sorry for saying that. It was not something I truly meant. Also, it is obviously not true. You have given for the sake of our love in profound ways.
You made me feel legitimate by going to couples counseling with me. You made me feel celebrated and adored when you baked me my first homemade birthday cake. You expanded my world by taking a risk and taking me to Utah and showing me the starry skies,
You have paved some paths for my adulthood by making love to me in a way that makes me feel more alive and womanly than I ever have in my life. You give me peace and calm when we go about the world together doing the things that humans do. You make me laugh, you bring me joy, and you bring me a sense of wonder because your wonderment is so infectious.
You have given yourself to me with and without reservation, and I can appreciate the value in either, but prefer the latter. You were right that people want to take from you, especially me…but I want to give back of myself to you in equal proportion. I want to give to you an open highway between your heart and mine.
I want to submit to one another. I want to protect our love together. I want you to protect me. I want to console you. I want to give. I want you to take. But I also want to take. Remember how we said that when we first met? We said I loved and you loved and we both took the love the other had to give. We both said “I’ll take it.”
So baby, I am so sorry. You are not a taker, anymore than anyone who has ever been in love with a other person is. Loving requires the willingness to take what’s given. You are as good at taking love from me as you are are giving me love, and both are equally important.
I love you.