I’m going to be vulnerable and tell you some things I’ve been scared to say, but which I am pretty sure you probably already know.

It is nonessential to me that I ever remarry. I’ve told you I don’t care if, in the event you ever find yourself unmarried, you never want to marry again. I understand that the idea of that is terrifying to you. I mean it when I say i can live without ever getting married. I just don’t want to live without you. That’s the essential thing to me.

This all being said, I always assumed I’d get married again. I am not quite sure why I made this assumption and I certainly do not cling tightly to it. But it would be a lie to say that I wouldn’t marry you in a heartbeat if you ever changed your mind. It would be a lie to say I haven’t had schoolgirl-like fantasies about running away with you, about you kissing me against the wall outside a little church in the french countryside.

I just wanted to tell you it’s really okay if that never happens. I mean that wholeheartedly. I realize I shouldn’t even be mentioning it at this point. It’s probably (definitely) inappropriate, considering you’re actually married to someone else. But I wanted to let you in my head and I trust you to be gentle with me. You always are so gentle with me when I open up to you.

Anyway, I know you’ll understand what I’m saying. You’ll understand I’m not trying to tell you I want to marry you and am secretly hoping you change your mind. Just being with you for the rest of my life is more than enough. I love being with you. I love loving you. I love dreaming about all the ways there are for me to show you love.

I hope I have not scared the shit out of you. The only agenda I have is to have a wonderful weekend with you. I love you, baby. You’re the sick bastard. I’m the sick bitch. We were made for each other.