80. I wanna hold your hand

I want to hold your hand driving silently down the highway at night, headed home from somewhere…I’m not sure from where. From a concert. From dinner. From a late night grocery run. From the Christmas Eve service at whatever church you want. I just want to sit with you in silence in the aftermath of a shared experience and watch the world speed by.

If, after awhile, you decided to play some music, that would be just fine. I’d especially like any tune we could sing together. l love singing with you. I would love to sing with you as we drove down the highway at night, headed home.

For me, home can be anywhere I am with you.

I want to hold your hand when you’re sad and we’re driving, when you’re tired and we’re driving, when you’re feeling frisky and we’re driving. I want to hold your hand and talk to you. Make love to you. Fall asleep with you. All the things while I hold your hand.

79. Love, lust, and joy

There is nothing sexier than looking into your eyes while talking to you. I feel like there’s a whole other conversation taking place in the way we look at each other, one that exists in addition to our spoken exchanges.

I am sure my eyes reveal my love for you. Love is all I feel when I see you…with some lust thrown in for good measure. Actually, there’s a ton of lust in my eyes when I look at you. The feel of your body against mine as I look into your eyes with love and tell you how bad I’ve been in a tiny baby voice. So much love. So much lust.

And joy. So much joy.

Thank you.

78. Zoo and me

I had the best time with you at the zoo. I especially enjoyed watching the green anaconda. It was like the lava lamp of animal attractions. The gorillas and chimps were close runners up.

And it was such a gorgeous day. You and me, two creatures meandering along the various paths to view other creatures, whatever their genus or species. Also, that moment where that little nutria-like creature took a piss and then proceeded to drink said piss was magical.

I love how we can’t keep our hands off one another the moment you arrive. I love kissing you while you walk backwards. I love when you watch me apply makeup. I love eating chili on a shared TV tray with you. I love you singing to me anywhere, from anywhere, but most of all, I love it when you sing to me in bed lying next to me.

We did all of the above and more today. I also told you that words fail to describe the extent of my life for you…probably because it’s impossible to describe the extent of something that has no end. I meant those things from the bottom of my heart, just like I’ve meant every sweet word I’ve ever written on this blog about our love.

I’ve also written recently on this blog about how your words matter to me. I want to un-hear what you said about being sorry if you’ve somehow led me down some rose-colored path where you and I have a future together. I just cannot get those words out of my head, and honestly, they are still tearing me up inside. I do feel like you’ve given me reason to hold out hope for you and me. I feel like your remark somehow diminished my right to have that hope. And I need that hope.

77. A few loving praises

We have a big day, so I have to keep this post fairly brief. I mainly want to tell you yet again that I am head over heels in love with you. I don’t care if I never kiss anyone but you. No other kisses could possibly compare to the ones from your lips. As for my own lips, going forward, I want only your name on them when making love.

I don’t want to give myself to anyone but you. You are the sweetest, sexiest, most incredible man I have ever met in my life and I adore you. My darling. My best friend. My light. My joy. My all. How does it feel to have completely stolen my heart?

76. Expensive secret pet

I have reconsidered the idea of living in a Houston property owned by you. It is a very sweet thing for you to think about doing and I can appreciate that it would yield several practical benefits for me. However, if I live on my own, I think I should support myself.

I did not enjoy feeling hidden away by Tim prior to him moving in here. I felt like an expensive secret pet. I felt like the financial support I received was a consolation prize for weathering his absence. I understand that’s not what Tim meant. I understand that’s not what you would ever want for me. Nonetheless, that’s how it felt with Tim, and I don’t want to feel that way again.

I love you, Craig. And you love me. Is there really no way for us to be together that doesn’t involve death, irreparably ruining your family, or keeping me secret? Are those really the only options? There’s nothing less severe? This isn’t a rhetorical question. I want your thoughts because I have no idea.

I understand you have an enormous sense of obligation to your family. Is it really impossible for you to both honor those obligations and be with me in the way we obviously ought to be together?

75. I hang from your lips

I love watching your Marco Polo videos. I especially like how, towards the end of the second one you sent yesterday, you are laying on the bed talking to me with the camera above you. This captures the angle from which I fell in love with you—lying on top of you, looking down at your face, you talking to me about yourself, about your feelings, about your life, about your desires.

It probably makes you self conscious to know that I pay close attention to everything you say. I can’t help it. I love. Therefore, I listen.

I listen to every word, even though I know that no one could possibly ever mean 100% of what they say, and that in outlying circumstances in which you DID mean all your spoken words, there would be a high likelihood that something, some nuance, would be lost in even my most diligent translation.

I am nonetheless enthralled when you share with me. I love talking to you, learning about you. When possible, I love watching your face as you explain and reveal to me. But just the sound of your voice on the phone grips me with the power to make me melt. It is a fact that you have make my panties wet in casual conversation.

I’d know your voice anywhere, in any one of its various forms. It betrays where you’ve come from—not just the Middle East of Texas, but oddly, also the Middle Bottom of California.

I love your voice in my ear telling me how wet my pussy has been getting lately. My wetness is a consequence, in part, of the sound of your voice. But also, just knowing you makes me wet.

74. Songbird

Thank you for being so loving to me. I feel cherished by you. I see that you make it a point to show me your love.

When we are together, it radiates through your touch and the way you look at me. It pours out of you, all passion and cum, when we make love.

When we are apart, you love me with urgency. I can feel you across the miles searching for the next opportunity to reach out to me. You make it a point to let me know that I am very special to you. I want you to know that I see that. I want you to know that point is graciously taken.

My heart swells in response to your swollen heart. My heart swells because all the more it swells. I hope you feel that. I love you ardently. I love you and only you and forever you. You who makes me sing.

I sing for you because my heart sings.

73. i want you inside me.

Baby I need you. What can I do to further seduce you? What can I do to make more room for you inside me, both figuratively and literally? I want more holes in my body for you to fill with your tongue, your fingers, and your dick. I want more space inside my heart and soul so that I can carry more of you with me when you’re not around.

I want to forget every shitty memory I have involving my ex-husband to make space for more of you. Every word you say to me. Every instance in which you’ve ever held my hand. Every thrust of your hips as you push your cock into me.

If you could crawl inside me, I’d let you. I’d beg you to. I’d want you to write your name all over my interior walls. I’d want you to give my heart a hug because it is lonely in your absence.

What I’m saying is that I need you. What I’m saying is that It’s real hard without you sometimes. Baby. I miss you. I get a bit beside myself.

72. Hard days night

Thank you for making a hard day better. Making love with you, eating fajitas, wearing face shields, you speaking English with a Spanish accent, learning more about your needs.

You’ve mentioned your desire for us to speak frankly about sexual stuff. You provided an example, but I require further explanation. Did you mean for us to speak frankly during sex or did you mean that we ought to just speak frankly in general? Either way is perfectly reasonable., I just feel like I would benefit were you to expand on this concept.

I am just sorta off. Craig. Thanks for putting up with me. You really do help make me feel better. I am exhausted on every level.

I really hope I get to pet you while you drift off to sleep tomorrow night. That would be wonderful. You are the sweetest creature of all.

71. 64

My Most Sensual Sweetz,

This is the 64th love letter I’ve written to you. There are 70 blog entries, but I subtracted the ones you authored and the one where I dumped all the Utah pics. I will not stop writing you love letters for the rest of my life.

There will never be a day so great that it could not be improved by your arms around me and your mouth against mine. No day can ever be truly great if you’re not a part of it in some way.

This is why my life never had a chance of being the same again since the day I decided to reach out to you. Your kindness, your warmth, and your innate sweetness have irrevocably captured my heart.

This is why I am putty in your hands. This is why I write love letters to you. This is why I will always write love letters to you. You are the one man I want, and I will never settle for anyone else. You will see.

I love you.

Cassidy

70. Joy

Baby. I loved the title of your “Manic Monday” blog post and just noticed you changed it. It totally captured the pathos of the scene I imagine being played out with you rushing around your building, preparing the Dragons Den for my arrival. However, I can’t argue with the amended title’s stark truth. I love our Mondays too.

I regret that this entry must be abbreviated. I have a date with the Pain Cave (i.e. my track workout) happening before the sun comes up and I purposely lingered with you this evening. I wouldn’t have it any other way, but does come at the cost of the loquaciousness you’ve come to expect from me by now.

Below are the bullet points for the blog post I’d have written if there were just a few more hours in the day.

• I love you.

• Making love with you is intense and beautiful and delightful.

• I long for your body next to mine all night long.

• The more I know you, the hotter the sex gets.

• Those balloons were next level romantic.

• When I am with you, I feel joy.

• So much joy.

69. JuSt AnOtHeR mAnIc MoNdAy

Hi Baby.

I’m waiting for you here right now. I took a few minutes to just drop a small blog post for the day. It’s a wonderful Monday because I get to see YOU! My Sweeeeeet Love, Lover, Best Friend and Counterpart!

I’ve come to look forward to our Monday evenings in the “Dragon Cave”. Our little bubble lit by candles and your beautiful face. Us on the couch, the smell of teak and oud wood mixed with scents of your arousal. I focus on you Cassidy. I focus on you with my heart and with the consequences of my physical desire for my body to be in contact with yours. You feel this, I know you do because I feel it from you too my love. Magic happens between our naked forms….

I’m here Cassidy. I’m waiting for you!

68. I am hopelessly in love with you.

So, every time I start to begin to write, I get sidetracked by looking at the picture you sent this morning of yourself flipping me off. It just feels good to rest my eyes on your handsome face.

What I wouldn’t give to be in that bathtub at the hot springs in Utah with the sun rising, knowing we had nine more sunrises together. I know that dwelling in my memory like this takes me out of the present moment, but I just cannot help myself. I miss you.

I loved being together this afternoon and evening on the phone. In case you weren’t aware, talking to you puts a big smile on my face. I am so grateful we found so much time in which to have the many different discussions we had today.

I think the world of you, Craig. Having you in my life is an enormous gift. I am still falling further and further in love with you with each passing day. It’s pretty incredible.

It is late. I am tired. I can’t wait to see you. I can’t wait to hear your sexy voice. I can’t wait to touch you everywhere. I can’t wait for all the kisses. I can’t wait to wake up in a world where you and I are in love with one another.

67. Carnal, sensual, intimate

Let’s get one thing straight. You don’t ever need to feel like you need to pull yourself together for me in any given moment. I am well aware of the fact that you can function in the face of emotional hardship and sometimes just need to recognize and express your feelings.

I respect your privacy, always. But also, I value being intimate with you. We build intimacy when we are comfortable expressing emotions, and it’s maybe the case that emotions we haven’t yet intellectually processed have greater currency with respect to building intimacy. I’m not sure about that—it’s a hot-off-the-press idea I just had. But dang if it doesn’t sound true.

Anyway, this is all to say that I love talking to you, even when you’re feeling raw, and it means a lot to me when you share with me in that way.

I’ve read somewhere that there are three sexual styles:: sexual, sensual, and intimate., While most people have a bit of each in their own personal sexual style, there is one of the three that is primary. It follows from this that the sexual styles of individuals in a relationship are determinative of their compatibility..

People who are sexual as their primary style tend to be more driven towards sex for the sake of sex. They don’t necessarily need to have an emotional connection or A great deal of physical buildup to the act. Sensual sex styles respond to stimuli and are the most fickle with the physical aspects of sexual encounters. Intimate sex styles need to feel deeply known to truly enjoy sex with a partner.

I know your sex style and I think you know mine. If intimacy isn’t the top of the list, it’s a close runner up. I think that’s true for both of us. Therefore. my sweetz, your emotions are truly an aphrodisiac. We make wine from our tears.

I’m here for you, Craig. Always. Jelly jar in hand.

P.S. I love your Nostalgia song.

66. Homecoming

My Darling Sweetz,

Thank you for talking through the immediate aftermath of finding out I won’t be able to take that test until March. We talked about a lot of things today besides that. Many of the things we discussed were fun. Like when we talked about coffee enemas and weird vacation rentals. But I wanted to make sure to mention the part where you were there for me. You were my sexy sounding board.

Seeing you at the top of the stairs today while I was out in the alley with my puppies made my heart skip a beat. It’s that primacy of the first moment I see you upon our reunion. My eyes get sore from looking at the world without you, and you, my sweet, sweet baby, are a salve for my sore eyes.

Your presence restores harmony and balance for me. Being with you is the most natural thing. It feels like we grew up together on the same street and then one of us moved away right before high school and now we’ve reconnected in adulthood. It’s this sense of deeply established familiarity i have when it comes to you. It’s as if we shared point of origin before we diverged and established our respective lives and circumstances, That’s why coming together with you feels like reconnecting with a fundamental part of myself.

My heart, my body, and my soul belong with you.

65. Sext

I promise to write about the metaphysics of our eternal love in another soon-to-be-published post. This particular post, however, is about you and me and the sexy thing we have going on between us…

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Sometimes you wear me like a sock. Sometimes you fuck me like a beating drum. I love taking your cock. I love being taken.

I am in bed right now thinking about your face, thinking about your body. I am wearing only a white camisole. I feel myself getting wet as I imagine being near you this way, nearly naked. And so I part my knees and reach one hand down the front of my body, placing my fingers on my clit. With my other hand, I pull the neckline of my camisole down beneath my breasts, pulling on my nipples to make the hard.

I rub my clit and rock my hips upward ever so slightly to meet the hand I’m fucking myself with. It’s crucial that I remain discreet. I think of your tongue flicking my pussy. It is hard not to whimper with desire. I think of how you are using your tongue to prepare my pussy for your hard, thick, perfect cock.

When I cum, I use two hands. One coaxes my clit to the brink of orgasm. When I am finally about to cum, I thrust three fingers of my other hand deep inside myself. I take great care not to moan your name because I am not alone in this bed tonight. But when I am alone, I moan your name. Over and over again.

I love you, Craig.

I buck a bit when I cum, leaving my fingers inside. Then, I cross my legs together and relax, exhausted. Juice drips. I finally close my eyes and sleep. .

I ache for you.

64. Your words

The words you say to me bounce around inside my body long after they’ve left your lips. Their meaning determines where they finally land.

Let me explain.

When you tell me that I’m beautiful, your words go in my ears and tumble downward to my legs. When you tell me you miss me, your words go to my hands and fingertips. When you tell me something that gives me insight, makes me laugh, or inspires me to dream, your words wind up in my heart.

When you say “pile drive,” or anything else erotic/erotic-adjacent for that matter, the words roll through me like syrup. They coat me from throat to foot before eventually consolidating and converging in….you can probably guess where sexy words end up.

Your words take effect where they land. They make my legs run a bit faster. They make my hands want to hold your hands. Your words make my fingertips want to graze your jaw, your cheeks. Your words fill my heart, causing it to swell with hope and (sometimes) agonizing longing.

When you tell me that you love me and that I will always be in your life, and that I am your buddy, your words reverberate throughout my body. They never come to rest in any particular place and they never disappear. They become a part of me. They become a part of my own sweetness.

63. Them apples

When two subatomic particles experience a shared state, they are no longer separate entities. They exist as one, even if they are billions of light years apart in space. A change in one induced a change on the other. Physicists cal this phenomenon “quantum entanglement.”

This is not the sort of things that can be understood by usual common sense. Einstein called this sort of quantum mechanical behavior “spooky action at a distance.” More recently, scientists have learned that two particles can become entangled even after one or both have been destroyed.

How about them apples?

62. Pleasure at center

My sweetest of sweetz,

You truly are my soul mate.

This Monday evening, we let sensual, erotic energy flow between us. We put pleasure at the center. I don’t think there’s a better way to appreciate the gift of being alive.

In the secrets of our flesh, we find one another. We delve and discover. We match our breathing. You gather me up. I run my leg alongside yours. I am mapping your body, even though I know it by heart now. I can still feel you inside me. This is closeness.

I want to infuse sensuality in all our moments, if I can. To delight in our physicality. To find joy in living in our bodies. To live outside of everyday minutes. I want to hold your hand. I want you to feed me large orange slices and to lick the juice that runs off my chin. And lots and lots of baths.

Speaking of baths, I think you need some spa treatments. Maybe I can pamper you a bit Wednesday? Just a little? I would love that.

I just love being with you so much, Craig.

61. We embody desire

My Handsome Sweetz,

I will come to you today. You will take me in your arms and we will kiss in a celebratory way. We will kiss in a way that says “fuck yes.”

Then, we are going to settle into our physical selves. I’m really looking forward to doing this with you. We are basically distilling our sensuality. We are behaving with integrity to our human bodies.

Its going to be you and me. You in your body., me in my body, we embody the idea of desire. We culminate desire.

You will feel the peach fuzz on my arms and your slightest touch will make my pussy respond. My pussy will swell and become wetter and wetter. I will let my pussy do the thinking. I will let my pussy want what it wants.

I want you to think with your dick, baby. I want for you to touch me with your cock. Rub your dick on my breasts. My mouth. My stomach. Feeling all my skin with your cock. I want you to feel my body on the outside that way. Then I want your cock to give my pussy what it wants.

All of this with sweetness. And tenderness. And wonder.