319. Good bones

I am in bed thinking of you. You still make me stir inside. I love you so much. I can’t wait to make love with you again. I want to gaze into your eyes while we do it.

I want to be tender to you. I want to hold you. I want to tend to our emotional projects and play board games. Actually, just one board game lately.

I have been looking at houses in the east end on Zillow. Maybe we could make that a sort of emotional project someday? Renovating a 1940s era Houston pile of sticks—with good bones?

Good bones are important, if you know what I mean.

I promise, my sweet, sweet, baby, that I will always write you love letters.

318. Election 2.0

If I knew things were going to go the way they did, I would have voted differently. I would have written Cassidy Coon in bold and underscored letters, grabbed a giant red pen and said Yes! You are the leader of my heartland, the landscape of my heart!

We’ll be our own administration. The administration of our love. I would carve the declaration of that love with the hardest chisel into the hardest of granite. I would never doubt your love for me and I’d serve that love with all of the constitution I could muster. With our victory we shall make love on the ramparts under the rockets red glare!

Then…. after all of the pomp and circumstance, after all of the naysayers and pundits have exhausted their efforts, we will hold hands and just….. be…..sweet.

I love you.

Love, Craig

317. Election

I love every inch of you and how you feel against me. I want nothing more than to spend the next several hours with free rein to touch your body, to run my fingers through your hair. I love your voice and your mind and your eyes. I’m so glad I got to experience all three of those things today.

I woke up sad but I know what to do about it. Time to move on. There is much more to look forward to. I am so excited to share a life with you. It is truly the most important thing in the world to me. I would be okay having Donald Trump be president for eternity if it meant I got to spend eternity with you. I wouldn’t care at all.You are so profoundly sexy, sweet, and brilliant. It would be a bargain.

Trump be damned, let’s have a little nest, baby. Let’s live, laugh, and love. Let’s pretend to make babies and play cards with your dad and Janice. Let’s pick out plates and bath mats and go to Disneyland. Let’s take another long hike. Let’s snuggle and learn that board game we bought a few weeks ago. I love you. I love loving you. Loving you makes living so much more rewarding.

316. The oldest photographs of myself

You give me the love I need. Your love is my safe place. You nurture the best parts of myself.

I’m staying with my mother, which means I am confronted with pictures of myself at various points in my life. The older the picture, the cleaner the slate, because the youngest versions of Cassidy feature someone who has disappointed fewer people, including herself, fewer times. I would choose you for the that version of me, the one in the oldest picture. She is the most capable of choosing for the rest of them.

My heart leads me to you, Craig. You bring out the best in me. The best version of me doesn’t need to feel undeniable. The best version of me does not have to be right. I was not born that way. However, it is this flawed version of myself, the latest edition, that found you.

I don’t deserve you, but the version me in oldest versions of photographs of myself does, and she gets to make the call. She tells me where my heart goes. She chooses you for me. I chose you for her. In doing so, I reunite myself with her, the best version of myself.

I love you. I love to love you. I hope you know that. Words fail, yet they try.

315. No stunt double

You bring pleasure to my body and joy to my heart. I love going about the world together. Two bunnies, side by side. I adore you, my lover, my Love. I love your body, your mind, and your soul.

If my life with you were a movie, I would not have a stunt double. I would fall off a cliff a thousand times and call it a good day. I would do it in a heartbeat. When the credits roll, they’d say about me, “she didn’t even flinch.”

And of course, that no animals we harmed.

314. There is no “and”

Some people want and want and want. You know what I mean. That sort of endless desire is agony because it is basically a state of wanting. It is a state of lacking, of being without, of being incomplete.

However, the endless desire I feel for you is not agonizing. Not in the slightest. I just want you. You are the object of my desire. You are what I want. Period. There is no “and.” There is no empty space. There is no clutter or meandering qualifications or contingencies.

I want you. You give yourself. That is all I’ve ever wanted, all I want, and all I will ever want. I am satisfied by my endless desire for you. You are my sweet love. You are my great love. You are enough. I want nothing more and will never accept anything less.

313. View from the top

I love being on top and making love to you every now and again. Laying on top of you and kissing you explains myself and the way I feel about you like no other way can. I love the way you look underneath me I love your eyes. I love your pleasure sounds.

I feel such tenderness for you. You are the key to my sweet heart. I love you, Craig. I love to tell you so. And I really love to show you how much I love you with my body.

312. Learning together

You are my love. I have found solace and strength in you. You have lighted and widened my world. It’s obvious to anyone who sees the way I look at you. It’s obvious to the trees. Together, we learn, and we learn, and we learn. I love to learn with you. I love to love you. I always will.

311. Goodness, passion, and patience

I will never stop writing you love letters because you are my muse. You inspire me to love and create and create love. You bring about goodness in me. You bring about passion in me. You bring about patience in me.

I would relive every heartache or sadness I have ever felt in my life 100 more times if it meant I would find refuge in your arms. You are not the end of the road. You are the starting point for me. You are precious and special. I love you.

310. Triumphs

I love your mind. I love sitting and speculating with you. I love getting my ass slapped and fucked. I love getting my ass kicked at gin rummy. I love when you are impressed with me I love the sweetness that’s always in your eyes. I love your face that is so manly and boyish at the same time. I love the romantic structure of your face. I love your body and the way you hold me in your arms. I love taking care of your body, being tender with it. The more I see you, the more I fall in love with you.

I love you because you are what I have always needed on every level—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I love you and I love to love you. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. You make my life a wonderful life to live. I never thought there was a one for me. But now it is clear that there is you only you. It will never not be you

Thank you for helping me heal tonight. I feel understood. Our battles really are our triumphs. I hope you feel that way. I hope I come through for you like you do for me over and over again.

309. With you

Dear Sweeetzy, I know you’re having a time. Sometimes I have times too. Sometimes we have times together.

It’s been almost a year since our time in The Farmhouse. I remember that before we even went on that weekend trip, I told you it was going to be hard. I also told you that I didn’t mind so much that it was hard, so long as I was with you.

This is still true. Sure, all other things being equal, I’d rather things not be so hard. But I’d rather be with you doing hard shit than to live without you on easy street.

I loved your big kisses last night. I need more of them asap. You are my one and only. My light, my joy, my all. Everything else is merely incidental.

I love you.

308. Big time, all time

I will love you big time for all time. I will make a home for you inside my body. Everyone who knows me knows I am in love. Everyone who sees me with you knows I am in love with you.

If I had to choose one thing to do for the rest of my life, it would be to wake up next to you. You are the provider of joy. You are the greatest playmate. You are the only lover that has ever mattered. You thrill me and keep me well satisfied. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. You are my great big love.

307. Sunshine

I know in my bones that you are who I desire to he with. Our love is expansive. Our love has expanded me. I love you, Craig. I am so sorry for being difficult and weird about things. I don’t want to cause you more stress. Please forgive me. Let me be sunshine for you.

306. Celine Dion vibes

I love kissing you. Your kisses make the world stop, like we’re in a movie or a music video for a Celine Dion song. I think it’s because you kiss me like I always dreamed kisses would be, back before I had even had my first kiss.

Basically, I want you all the time. It doesn’t matter where we are or what we are doing, I am within 30 seconds of imagining you without your clothes on, your body touching mine, you pushing yourself into me. Your handsome face above mine. The sounds you make as you fuck me.

I love you. I want you. I need you. I miss you. You are my sweet sweetzy. Goodnight, my love.

305. Superpowers

You are my dearest love. You have become so intuitive about what I need when I am upset. You know how to bring me comfort. Your ability to do this is a result of (1) having really listened to me as you’ve gotten to know me and (2) the way you understand me based on things I don’t even say. You pick up on people and understand them. I think that is one of your most incredible gifts and I am so grateful for you and your special powers of perception. Thank you for seeing me.

305. New Mexico is the New Utah

My dearest love,

I want to live a peaceful, loving existence with you. I want a life where we laugh together. I want a warm home. I want a shelter.

I want to let people in our home and for them to feel relief. I want you to feel relief when you come home because it’s your favorite place on the world. Let’s go west. Let’s go someplace that has fresh air and plenty of room to breathe it.

I had the most wonderful time with you in New Mexico—or should I say “New Utah.” It was the most romantic vacation ever. Even more romantic than Utah. You’ve showed me stars and hung the moon.

Love,

Cassie

304.wrinkled

You are a boy in all the best ways. You are very much a man too. You are the one who will have the best version of me because you bring out the best in me.

I want to be with you for the rest of my life. You are my bathtub. It feels right to submerge myself inside you and stay until I’m wrinkled.

303. Your driveway

You know what I love? I love your driveway. I love the path that takes me from the public Highway to your home. The place where you are. A major background in our love story.

I love your driveway as it passes underneath your truck and I am sitting in the passenger seat. I love your driveway when I am all alone and you are waiting for me somewhere near its end. So many times, you’ve met me at my car and kissed me and kissed me and kissed me.

I keep coming back for more kisses. For more of you. For more falling in love with you. When I am with you, I am really living. When I am with you, I am getting all the good there is to get. You are good to me. You are The Good to me.

302. Future love letters

I promised you I would never stop writing you love letters, and I will keep this promise. Your future is filled with love letter from me…because I love you so much.

I have been recklessly myself with you. That’s why it is so hard not to take it personally when you tell me you have doubts about the quality of your life in a future where you and I are together. I think about all the times I’ve opened my mouth and said things I shouldn’t have.

I wonder if I was lazy by putting everything out there for you to see. Surely, being more editorial in my presentation of my self would have required more effort than just going balls-to-the-wall.

You say you want a future with me. What do you think is possible? What do you kind of want? Hopefully, you want love letters.

But what else? What do you want from a life with me? Is there anything I can do to make your life better?

I don’t know, Craig. I feel a little scattered. I feel a bit self conscious. I don’t feel like this blog post is very pretty and I am sorry for that. My heart hurts a bit. I know you don’t want that. I promise it will get better. I just want my confidence back. I want to love you with confidence.

301. My home is in your arms

I love our adventures, Craig. I love this you and I are always up to something. Everyday we spend together is a little adventure. I cherish that.

Thank you for supplying me with a hoard of liquid IV. That was very thoughtful of you and I don’t think I thanked you enough.

I think we are doing just fine with out dancing too. Remember how when we got there tonight and just started dancing like it was no big deal? That felt awesome. But what also awesome is just getting to touch you and be in your arms. My home is in your arms

These are all the things I would say to you if I were lying next to you right now. I so very much wish that’s where I was. I adore you. Goodnight, my love.