300. Another summer romance

I love dancing with you, baby. I love being on your arm. It feels so right. Everything about being with you just feels so right.

When I tell you everything is going to be okay, I mean it. But I also want you to know that I am madly in love with you right this moment and that being around you makes me very, very happy. You have given me another summer filled with romance.

We have hard shit to deal with, but I want you to know that I love you and I love doing hard shit with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are my light. My joy. My all.

299. Love and lust and lalala

You look like love. You taste like love. You sound like love. Your touch is love.

You are love. I am looking forward to spending time with you in the exotic land of Albany, Texas. We will threaten the doves with fire sticks. We will dance together. I will wear the expensive boots you got me and meaningfully fuck you in a cheap motel while my frizzled old dog watches. We will laugh together. I will steal glances at you. I will unabashedly stare at your body.

I lust for you, Craig. There is no one sexier than you, nor anyone more dear. You look like lust. You taste like lust. Your touch is lust. You are lust.

298. Morning light

I just wanted to tell you how much I love your face. I love holding it in my hands. I love your sweet eyes and how they blink. I love the way you look at me just before you kiss me. I love watching you loving to dance. I love dancing with you.

I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life to feel your hands on my naked body in the morning light. It feels like a rite of passage into womanhood.

There’s always been a path. This is the path. Yours is the hand. I am the lucky one.

297. Utah and you

As I’ve mentioned, a year has gone by since we took our Utah trip. I’ve been reflecting a bit on our time together there and our time together since then.

I am self conscious about how absolutely awe-struck I was by the beauty of the desert sky, the rocks, and the heights. I felt like one of those cartoon characters of a country bumpkin, but in reverse. Instead of being amazed by the dazzling city lights, I was taken aback by the beauty of nature.

I realize that Zion National Park is pretty much famous for its breathtaking beauty, so sometimes I feel a little bit silly for making such a big deal out of it. The reason it affected me so deeply is obvious and shameful. I just hadn’t been anywhere like that in so long. I hadn’t been anywhere at all in so long. It sort of knocked me off my feet. Seeing all that beauty was really an emotional thing for me.

So there was the fact that I was there with you and I was already in love with you—I’ll get to that point in just a moment. Add to that fact the other important fact that you brought me there and made that experience possible. I will always be more grateful than I know how to say for that.

And yes, I was already in love with you. Perhaps that’s hard to believe, given that we recognized that we had been an item for a whopping two months while sitting on the bench of a shuttle bus in Zion National Park. Strange as it may be, the love I had for you then is every bit as real as the love I have for you today. It was real and it was already deep. It was as deep as it is now, after everything we’ve been through. It has always been that way for me when it comes to you.

Likewise, my love for you today is as sweet as it was kissing you under the stars. As sweet as it was in the bathtub at the A-frame. It is still so hard for me to wake up without you. I miss your body with my entire body. But now, I can fully appreciate the scope of everything we have and everything there is to come for you and me.

I love you, Craig. I loved you then. I love you now. You showed me the North Star. I never stopped looking that way. I never will.

296. Wagging

I am lying in your bed right now. I had such an amazing time with you yesterday. I’m happy right now, like little Sinclair, just wagging my tail. I am content. I am with my buddy. I am with my sweet love.

You are an amazing person, Craig. I can’t wait for you to get back in this bed with me, whether I have to wait 10 minutes or ten hours.

295. My sweet heart

You really are my best friend. It feels so natural to be with you. Like breathing. I love to hear you tell me that you love me. In fact, the only thing better than. Hearing you tell me that you love me is hearing you tell me that you love me while making love to me.

I feel bad for raising my voice at you. I feel bad for not holding you when you told me you were having a hard time. I am sorry baby. I promise to be better. I promise to make it up to you.

I know I have not written in this blog since last week. I generally do not write in the blog when we are together overnight or when we keep each other up late with emotional phone calls. However, we have not been having anywhere near the amount of emotional phone calls as we used to.

So what is my excuse? I think the reason I don’t write every night is because I know you know that I love you. It has always been the primary purpose of this blog—to tell you how much I love you and how you have come to inhabit my sweet heart and my sexiest dreams.

This is not to say that I will not be writing on this blog. Not at all. I promised you I would never stop writing you love letters. This promise, I will fulfill.

294. My mouth

Things I want in this life include colors that make sense to me, the desert, ice in my mouth, and countless hours spent holding you I wish I could fit all of you in my mouth at once.

293. Timeless photographs

Craig Washburn, you still give me butterflies. The weight of the world falls off my shoulders when you tell me you love me. Somewhere in your house, there’s a black and white photograph of you and me looking timeless. Someday, after we’re both dead and gone, there’s going to be a whole box of photos of you and me together, looking timeless. Being timeless.

I like that we can put aside everything else and just get into you and me. In the world of you and me, there is always love and forgiveness. Suffering flows through life like water, but I just want to comfort you.

292. Anticipation

Let’s find a day where we just stay in bed all day long, like John and Yoko…but without the heroin. I would love to pet every inch of you softly for hours. We could watch shitty tv. We could read erotica to each other. We could read other genres of literature to one another. Let’s explore all angles.

I love our days and nights together, as I have always loved all of our time together. I think someday we will look back on where we are now and realize that we are already building a life together. It’s like that Carly Simon song, “Anticipation,” where she says “these are the good old days.”

I reflect back about all these little moments I have with you, like when we were driving home last night from the play, talking about our egos and what makes us sad, etc. We just talk so easily. I can’t stop thinking about your face in the dashboard lights and how cozy it feels to drive home with you.

I love you. I promise to always treat you like a brick of gold.

291. Thirsty

My love. Im sorry if I’ve previously used this picture of your luscious dick. Also, I’m not sorry.

I did not speak with you last night. I did not speak with you this morning. I did not mean for this to happen. I realize I could call you now, or even suggest to you to give me a call—but I’ve decided not to. At this point, I have already lost my mind. I have collapsed into a pile of flesh that yearns for your flesh. But I have become resilient. My thirst is satiated by thirst.

I miss your voice. I miss your face. I love missing you, but I never miss missing you. I can’t wait to see you.

290. Wounded animal

I want to crawl in your arms and shut the fuck up. You are a safe place to me. Thank you for listening to me, for being patient with me, and for loving me. More and more, I find that you understand me better than I understand me.

289. You command my body

You tell me that you feel old, but you feel like a boy when you make love to me in the morning. You have a way of making me feel like I am falling in love with you over and over again. I am smitten with you.

As sweet as you are, you still command my body with your very presence. I arch my back and give myself to you. It’s all I can do for a man like yourself. I love to watch what you do with what I have to offer.

288. Forces of nature

Sunrises, hurricanes, and you.

These are all forces of nature. You compel my love. You command my attention. I submit my body to you.

You are a force of nature. You are nature. Both sentences mean the same thing, don’t they? And they’re both equally true in substance.

…and in connotation.

For surely, loving you is loving me. If you are a force of nature, then so is my love for you.

287. Sex at dawn

When I’m in bed with you, I never want to leave. But getting back in bed with you is so very gratifying to me. It makes my frequent trips to the bathroom at night worth it. Almost. Admittedly, it would be preferably to be next to you. I have a running wish to be near you as much as I can.

You drive me absolutely wild. I know you see that. I’m glad you see that. I want you to know how much I desire you. I want you to love being desired so you can know what it feels like to be a lover to you. Making love to you makes me feel connected to the history of humankind. We make love like human animals. We are humans. We are animals. You are my mate.

I am so wet right now. Fuck me. Please fuck me.

286. Holiday

Lets go away for awhile, my baby.. I don’t know about you, but I’m really looking forward to some fuckin. Let’s connect with and objectify one another.

285. Happy birthday blog

Two hundred and eighty-five. That’s just a hundred short of one for just about every day this year.

Happy birthday blog. I remember writing my first blog entry on the morning before the last day of the administration of the bar exam. I talked about how, when you and I speak, we have a certain rhythm. We do.

Mmmhmmm. Now I’m in this whole new world with you.

I love you, happy daddy.

284. Showtime

Last year, on the last Tuesday in July, I woke up, having spent the prior evening on the phone with you, and took a quick run. Then, I showered, headed to NRG, and passed the written portion of the bar exam. I also think I realized I was in love with you that day. No one consoles me like you do, and I needed so much consoling then. You have consoled me over the past years in more ways than you know.

This year, on this last Tuesday of July, I’ve woken, I’m about to run. I’ve spoken to you. I’m following my recipe for success. I love you. Thank you for supporting me. You are my dearest friend and my true love. I can’t wait to have this behind me. I can’t wait to be in your arms again.

283. Solstice

This is the time of our solstice, the time when the sun is at its lowest in the sky. I say this because this time of year marks the beginning of our romance. From this point, the seasons of our love for each other began. From this point, the sun began to rise.

Taken literally, solstice is a measuring point. This time of year is a good time to look back and observe the evolution of this life story. My love for you has grown. It has solidified. It has informed my every action. It has changed my world.

I love you so much, Craig. I am so happy to experience you. I love your body. I love for your touch. I love your feelings. I love your mind. I read somewhere that being with the right person is like being alone without loneliness. I don’t understand what that meant before around this time last year. When the sunrise of our love began.

I have worked up before dawn just to tell you this. My love, you are sweetness and gentleness and strength. I adore you. My place in this world is next to you

282. The best days

You are my one and only. Every single day of my life is better because I get to think about you, talk to you, and touch you. The days we spend together are some of the best days I’ve ever had in my life. I miss you tremendously when we are apart. But, as you know, I love to miss you. Missing you is part of loving you. And I don’t think I love anything more than I love to love you.

I long for your body against mine again. I long to have you deep inside me, your face close to mine. I long for you to look me in the eye as you slowly make love to me. I want you to look into my eyes with your soft hazel eyes as you cum.

When you held me while we watched Righteous Gemstones and softly touched my body and told me sweet things…that was really special. I’ll remember that for the rest of my life.

I love you, Craig. You are amazing. I can’t wait to see you.

281. Wave of molasses

Thank you for coming over today and pleasuring my body. I love being intertwined with you, both physically and in the sense that we live our respective lives together. I feel as comfortable with you as I do in my own skin.

I am sorry this post is so late. I’m trying to manage an enormous amount of anxiety. I have no idea how it looks from the outside-looking-in, but I feel low grade terror washing over me on slow motion, like a wave of molasses or honey or something, in relation to the bar exam. I feel prepared and confident, but the stakes seem so high to me that it’s difficult not to experience anxiety. I have a tendency to put on poker face in situations like this, so I wanted to let you know, in case I seem weird or off.

I love you so much. I need to pass the bar exam. Those are the two main things that occupy my thoughts when I’m not thinking about rules of law and how to apply rules of law to facts presented. My ability to be with you rides on passing this fucking test. My ability to get on with my life and do anything rides on passing this fucking test. Did I mention that I love you so much and that I need to pass the bar exam?