280. All of you

I wrote once on a little piece of blue paper that falling in love with you was the most significant event of my life. It was true then and true it remains. Falling in love with you changed me by changing the way I saw the world, which changed the way I engaged with the world, which changed the way the world responded to me. I know I’ve talked about this at least several times, but the impact of your effect on me is so profound that it deserves many restatements.

I know what you mean when you talk bout Imposters Syndrome. I experience similar feelings about myself with you, so I’ll say to you what I think you would say to me: I know you are not perfect and I love you anyway. To that, I’ll add that I do not want a perfect man because that’s only half a man.

You are so many things. I want all of them. I love you.

279. Disclosure

I’m going to be vulnerable and tell you some things I’ve been scared to say, but which I am pretty sure you probably already know.

It is nonessential to me that I ever remarry. I’ve told you I don’t care if, in the event you ever find yourself unmarried, you never want to marry again. I understand that the idea of that is terrifying to you. I mean it when I say i can live without ever getting married. I just don’t want to live without you. That’s the essential thing to me.

This all being said, I always assumed I’d get married again. I am not quite sure why I made this assumption and I certainly do not cling tightly to it. But it would be a lie to say that I wouldn’t marry you in a heartbeat if you ever changed your mind. It would be a lie to say I haven’t had schoolgirl-like fantasies about running away with you, about you kissing me against the wall outside a little church in the french countryside.

I just wanted to tell you it’s really okay if that never happens. I mean that wholeheartedly. I realize I shouldn’t even be mentioning it at this point. It’s probably (definitely) inappropriate, considering you’re actually married to someone else. But I wanted to let you in my head and I trust you to be gentle with me. You always are so gentle with me when I open up to you.

Anyway, I know you’ll understand what I’m saying. You’ll understand I’m not trying to tell you I want to marry you and am secretly hoping you change your mind. Just being with you for the rest of my life is more than enough. I love being with you. I love loving you. I love dreaming about all the ways there are for me to show you love.

I hope I have not scared the shit out of you. The only agenda I have is to have a wonderful weekend with you. I love you, baby. You’re the sick bastard. I’m the sick bitch. We were made for each other.

278. Twin flames

Just for fun, here’s some more stuff about Twin Flames vs. Soulmates. They say Twin Flames happen when one soul is in two bodies. Soulmates are compatible souls. Twin Flames heal by merging. I read somewhere that sexual energy is a form of healing energy. I think I agree with that because of how I feel when you make love to me.

277. Our endless romance

My Sweet Love. I mentioned earlier that I was falling even more in love with you. It’s true. Can you feel the deepening of my love for you? Being in your presence is like a healing salve…or a warm blanket on a cold night….or the heater blasting in your truck when you drive around with the windows down on a cold day. You are very much a sanctuary to me, Craig.

I have so much respect for you. I feel very much like you respect me too. I respect you even when we fight. I love you even as we fight. I want you to know that. I think you and I do a good job at navigating through some really difficult circumstances. In the end, I always feel seen by you. I hope I make you feel how you make me feel.

I hope you know that I love you more than ever before. The same feelings I had last summer never went away. You still give me butterflies. But now, I’m much more aware of who you are and what you’re made of and I think you are incredible. You are what I’ve always thought a man ought to be. You are the good becoming more good. I have never been as much of a woman as I am when I am in your arms.

276. Stay-cation

Snails know their foreplay. They do it slow, slow, slow. I am like a snail because I make a house in whatever bed you’re in. Your moans are my blueprints. I feel them (your moans) travel around inside you, and I moan too. I want to feel what you feel.

Let’s fuck like gods and goddesses. Let’s fuck like we deserve to have crowds of worshippers beneath us, carrying our bed as we fuck.

The bed is my house. But you, my Sweet Craig, are my home. I will lie down in you. I will take all my meals at the red table of your heart. Every one of them will taste just right. I won’t run away because you are where I go when I run away.

275. 365

. Here is the text I sent you in the very early hours of the morning of July 6, 2022.

I told you nearly a year ago that I felt like I’d been running and unable to catch my breath. The. I met you again. You gave me sanctuary. I felt like an actual woman for the first time. I love you from the sweetest parts of me. I love your body. I love your mind. I love your heart. I love your sweet face. I love talking to you, playing with you. I have loved every single moment I have ever shared with you, even the ones you would swear I didn’t. Every moment is worth it. Every moment is precious. I think about that all the time.

274. Amorous friendship

It’s hard to be friends with someone I don’t know. Therefore, I make it a point to really know myself. You have helped me know myself better. Sometimes I wonder if you maybe know me better than I know myself. Actually, I’m sure that you do in some ways.

It is not just easy to be with you. It is easy to know you. It is as if we have a natural mutual trajectory to grow together, to become closer and closer. Neither one of us has to so much as lift a finger to effectuate intimacy. We simply coexist as the atomic particles that comprise the universe swirl between us. Their tiny spins accelerate as we slowly kiss, wound up in wonder and romance.

273. Essentialism

Baby, I am so exhausted that i am afraid I don’t have it within me to fully describe the enormity of my love and passion for you. However, I refuse to totally fail my self imposed duty to honoring my love for you in prose, so I will be brief.

You are wonderful. You inspire love. Looking at you awakens a raw and ultra-human part of me that seems to have existed before I was born. The love I feel for you has never waited for my recognition. It recognizes me. I am its natural extension.

Seeing you f gf eating a pedicure with a fresh haircut made me feel like everything was right in the world. You were being cared for. All was as it should be. My sweetzy. My Craig. My endless love.

I will spend the rest of my life loving you, and when I die my love for you will simply linger in whatever it is this universe is made of, just like it always has. As it always was. It will always be.

272. To the man I love

What can I say? I am just wild with love and affection for you. I am immoderately in love with you. I love loving you more than anything. I love loving you more than I love loving anyone.

I am constantly reminded why you are my soul mate, why I choose you. Today, I was reminded when I woke up with you in bed. When we worked out hard and naked in the heat with all those sick beats. When we ate a good little lunch at the bar at the local eatery. The universe tells me every day that you are the man I need to love, am meant to love, and love to love.

271. 60 words

The way you spoke to me over lunch made me feel so understood. Really, the entire way you went about that issue with me made me feel like you knew how to take care of me on this very particular way that I cannot exactly articulate, but deeply need. I think that is why our discussing later this evening was jarring. I am sorry for calling you weird or making you feel crazy. I don’t think you’re either. It hurts my heart when we are like that with one another.

I love you. If we were only allowed to say 60 words a day, I’d say “I love you” to you 20 times. If you didn’t reply, I’d know you’d used all your words for the day, and I’d stay on the phone until the clock rolled over to midnight, waiting for the next days allotment of words, just listening to you breathe.

270. When we fuck

We give each other freedom when we fuck. The world that exists beyond our fucking places such a premium on independence, on being self-made, on being an individual, on being unlike any other. I think all of those things are very fine, however, also exhausting. When we fuck, I do not feel diminished for wanting to be yours. We merge when we fuck. We see ourselves in one another when we fuck. We are not unique when we fuck. Rather, we are alike when we fuck because we both feel desire and passion and adoration for one another. We are in solidarity as the only two witnesses to our love.

I long for you as I have longed for you every day since you came back into my life. I long for you even as we fall asleep holding one another. I long for you in the moments just before you enter me with your cock. Maybe especially in those moments. I long for you as you make love to me, as you coax me to orgasm, as you take a drink of water afterward. I long for you immediately upon waking after having longed for you all night in my dreams. Come home, my love, come make a home out of my hip bones.

269. A loving invention

I just want you. Only you. One boyfriend. Rolling around in hotel sheets, or my sheets, or your sheets. You are everything I want, everything I have ever wanted. Feeling you beneath me in bed or in the bath, I am acutely aware that you are the man of all the men.

You and I cannot waste time. We can only waste ourselves. I promise that I will never allow you to waste away. I will will nourish you with laughter. I will nourish you with all my love. I will relish every part of you. I will blossom in the light of your love. You will not be waited on me.

You and I are a wonderful invention. A loving invention. We are an airplane made of a tiny baby and a hunky thing. We hover over the earth, you and me. We fly just a little, wouldn’t you agree?

Your arms wrapped around me feel so strong. I feel sheltered. I feel protected. I feel immediate joy upon waking in your arms or against your back. We fit. We click. We mesh. We talk and talk and talk. We cry and cry and cry. Why wouldn’t we? So much is at stake.

But we also laugh and laugh and laugh. For me, that is everything. If we had nothing else going for us, the laughter alone would be worth all our trouble. And we have so much more going for us. We have our closeness. We have the way our bodies comport together. You know the landscape of my heart. Believe me, I know yours too.

268. Our primitive nature

I want you to leave marks on me where you’ve been, tell-tale signs of gratified desire. I want proof of your love on my body for night like this, when I make love to you with words.

The bulge of you through your pants reduces me to a submissive creature. Fucking like animals is beautiful, baby, because it allows us to honor our primitive natures. It allows us access to something deep within our humanness that is greater than ourselves. I am yours for fucking, my sweetest love..

267. Bigfoot

I love talking to you so damn much. I have been able to share things with you that I once considered impossible to share. I never would have brought up Bigfoot to anyone, that’s for sure. But there are many things besides Bigfoot that I share with you that I have never felt comfortable enough to share with others.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that you don’t shame me…or anyone else for that matter. When I feel embarrassed or ashamed of myself about something I’ve said, I tell you about it, and you help talk me through it. That’s a special gift you have. Not just to me, but to the world.

I love you, Craig. You are a gentle, loving creature. I miss your body. I miss your kisses. I miss your touch. I miss touching you. But I love talking to you. I love your constant presence in my heart. And I love to miss you because I am so grateful to ever have met you on the first place. You are my most cherished companion.

266. Highway between our hearts

I was just thinking about how at some point last January, you said to me, “I just feel like I need to protect us.” Us, meaning you and me. It popped into my head just after we hung up and the smile I get from laughing and playing with you was still lingering on my face. I just heard your voice in my head saying that to me, telling me you wanted to protect us.

I want to apologize right here for telling you that you were a taker. That I give and you take. I am so sorry for saying that. It was not something I truly meant. Also, it is obviously not true. You have given for the sake of our love in profound ways.

You made me feel legitimate by going to couples counseling with me. You made me feel celebrated and adored when you baked me my first homemade birthday cake. You expanded my world by taking a risk and taking me to Utah and showing me the starry skies,

You have paved some paths for my adulthood by making love to me in a way that makes me feel more alive and womanly than I ever have in my life. You give me peace and calm when we go about the world together doing the things that humans do. You make me laugh, you bring me joy, and you bring me a sense of wonder because your wonderment is so infectious.

You have given yourself to me with and without reservation, and I can appreciate the value in either, but prefer the latter. You were right that people want to take from you, especially me…but I want to give back of myself to you in equal proportion. I want to give to you an open highway between your heart and mine.

I want to submit to one another. I want to protect our love together. I want you to protect me. I want to console you. I want to give. I want you to take. But I also want to take. Remember how we said that when we first met? We said I loved and you loved and we both took the love the other had to give. We both said “I’ll take it.”

So baby, I am so sorry. You are not a taker, anymore than anyone who has ever been in love with a other person is. Loving requires the willingness to take what’s given. You are as good at taking love from me as you are are giving me love, and both are equally important.

I love you.

265. Happy Fathers Day

Daddy, I’m sorry I didn’t get to wish you a Happy Fathers Day. I know you were so tired when you got home. I would have wanted to rub all up and down your legs. I would have worn the new little romper I got from Target. I’m a big girl now, Daddy. I can wear size XL from the kids section now.

I know you’ve seen my boobies, Daddy. You’ve watched me grow up before your very eyes. Remember how you used to bounce me on your knee, Daddy? You should do that again sometime. Maybe you could touch my boobies and see if you could make my little nipples hard, Daddy. I bet you could.

I know you’ve sniffed my underwear in the dirty clothes hamper. I saw you. You grabbed my little lacy baby blue panties and put them to your face. Did you notice how wet the crotch was, Daddy? I bet you did. it was wet because I touched myself while thinking of you, Daddy. I spent an hour thinking of how long and thick your cock looks in your gym shorts.

I know I make you hard, Daddy. I’ve seen how your cock twitches in your pants when I twirl around in my little pleated skirts, showing you a flash of my pink shaved pussy. I do that and then go to my room and rub my pussy until I come, imagining you filling me up, imagining you telling me how much you love your Baby Girl’s tight slit.

So, Happy Fathers Day, my Daddy. I was hoping tonight could be the night where you show me how to make your cock feel good. I was hoping you’d give me the hood hard fucking you’ve been waiting so long to give me. I love making you happy, Daddy. I know how bad you need to fill me with your cum.

Happy Fathers Day, Happy Daddy. Tiny Baby loves you.

264. Sea lion

My baby: i am thrilled to get to spend time with you today. I am going to shower you with love and watch you bask in it like a happy sea lion on a rock in the ocean. Did you know that sea lions roar? I am going to make you roar baby. I am going to worship your magnificent sea lion physique. I love to watch you respond to love. I love to feel you close. I love to honor you. I love to melt under the weight of you. I can’t wait to see my most wonderful playmate. My lover. Let’s do what comes naturally.

263. In the darkest of rooms

Cradle me, baby, in the darkest of rooms, where the only sound is your heart beating. No sun. No dawn. No moon. No night. No time. No me. No you. Just us. Just love and the stars in our eyes.

Laugh with me, baby, let’s have us a laugh. Let’s have us a walk as we laugh and we talk. Let’s walk to all the places we’ve been before, all the sidewalks we’ve kissed on, the carpets we’ve danced on. Let’s survey them all and shake our heads at how silly we were and how silly we are. Then, let’s walk some more.

Let’s walk for years and years with the sun on our faces and on the back of our necks. Let’s walk until the soles of our shoes wear thin and we grow tired and old. When you grow old, baby, I will cradle you. You will cradle me. We will cradle each other in the darkest of rooms, where the only sound is our hearts beating.

I mean it in the sweetest way when I say that I remember how it felt the first time you pushed your cock into me last summer. I made room for you inside me. I wrapped myself around you, I understood myself a little better each time you made love to me. You held my hand. You led me here. I love you.

262. Home movies

Hey Baby. I want you to know that I know that you are my soul mate…AND I want to show you the proof. Here’s me, age 4, doing the bucking bronco. We are threads in the same tapestry, you and I. I love to love to love you.

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261. Burning

I have told you before that you put me in touch with the better part of my heart—-the sweetest part. I’ve told you how much more joy I find in life when I act from that part of myself.

Another thing I’ve realized recently is that you are perhaps the only person in my life who has ever needed me to be strong. I don’t know if you can imagine what it feels like to be needed for the first time, since you’ve had so many people in your life who need you for so long…but I think you can understand what I mean, at least on some intellectual level, that it means a lot to me to get to step up.

I used to walk through bonfire after bonfire of my hopes and dreams, coming out alive and unscathed on the other side of each one. I figured I was fire proof. Then, I met you and you set me on fire. Inside and out. My blood burns for you. My skin burns for you. My soul burns for you. Everything burns and burns and burns for you.

Everything before you made me strong, but you made me sweet. Now, I’m even stronger. Let me show you. Let me be an asset to something greater than myself.