260. Forty Peaches

I am so glad you went to see Jordan. I can see how happy it made you.

I love you so much. I think of your face. I think of your eyes. I think of how you experience the world. I think of your heart. I want all the goodness for you.

Love me, Craig. Touch me, Craig. One kiss from you is as sweet as forty peaches. When we were sitting at the Mucky Duck and I kept leaning into you, touching your hand, turning to kiss your cheek, I just kept thinking about how real you were. I am so relieved that you are real. I love this love.

I love the man who wakes up needing me to hold him. I love the man who closes his eyes so he can feel me while he makes sweet love to me. Your sweet love. Your furrowed brow as you push yourself into me. My pink cheeks. Our shallow breathing. This is hallelujah.

You are beyond anything I could ever have dreamed of and I am so grateful. I promise to take care of you, Craig. If I had my way, it would be impossible for pain to reach you without first contending with me. There is nothing in the world more beautiful than your joy.

259. Permanence

Hey you. I feel you out there feeling things. I want to hold you. I want to take your face in my hands and tell you that you are lightness and sweetness. I want to get cozy with you, wrap my arms around you, wrap ourselves in the love that has grown between us. You are the good defining itself to me.

I am permanence. I am relentless. I love you ardently. I can feel you feeling from the other side of the moon. Your breath on my breath, your heart connected to mine by an invisible thread. I have found lost parts of myself by way of loving you.

258. Fortune cookies

Let’s get naked, baby, and talk about what we want to do to each other. Tell me about your body parts. Tell me about how your body parts fit with mine. Tell me what feels good. Press into me. Kiss me. Kiss me like your life depends on it. Who knows? Maybe it actually does.

Disappear me into you and lose yourself a bit with me. I think you and I could do that together—if we haven’t already, that is. Sit with me at the bar while a thin woman with a full voice sings about love and love-adjacent topics.

Let’s feel lucky to be alive. We are fortunate to be one another’s fortune cookie. Break me. Eat me. Everything is going to be okay. That’s what the Cassie Cookie says to you. I know it’s true, even if I sometimes pretend I don’t. What does the Craig Cookie say? I have some guesses, but I think it’d be more fun if you cracked yourself open and told me while I ate you up.

257. If we lived forever

I have this question: if we lived forever, do you think memory would even be important anymore? I have a feeling it would become less and less important. I guess death and memory have a lot to do with one another. My love, that all sounds morose, but I didn’t intend for it to be so. I just wanted to mention it.

I was reading a poem. I didn’t think it was a love poem initially, but it was. It is. It says love is a euphemism for “I’ve failed you.” That’s not untrue in fact, it’s sort of beautiful. Loving entails failing.

Baby, I’ve failed you. I’ve failed you so much. I will continue to fail and continue to continue and continue to love.

256. Possibility

You are the finest companion for me. I love laughing and jamming to car tunes and taking mushrooms and sharing meals and playing word games and grocery shopping and handling luggage and exploring matters of the heart with you. Waking up next to you is heaven for me.

I love you, Craig. I did not know it was possible to love someone like I love you. Loving you is loving me because you’re a part of me.

255. Worship

Just before the last time we made love, I took you in my arms and told you that I want to give you everything. That’s what I am going to do in Arizona. I’m going to give you everything every single day. I am on offer to you. I an permeable. I am open.

Let’s run away together, baby. Let’s connect to one another on a level that transforms our inner lives and outer worlds. Let’s expand into each other. Let’s plumb each other’s depths on a cosmic level. Let’s worship in the bedroom. Let’s worship in the desert. Let’s worship.

I love you. I need you. I want you.

Can’t wait for the most spiritual vacation I’ve ever had.

.

254. Breathing

Remind me, next time you are here, to stuff a towel at the foot of every door before you leave. That way, I can trap all the air that surrounded your body, keep it here in my apartment, and breathe it when you’re gone.

In order to fall asleep, I have to imagine your body behind mine, pressed against me. I have to imagine the sound of you breathing just to fall asleep. I whisper, “my baby, my baby, my baby,” until my mind finally allows me to drift to sleep.

I am jealous of your linen bedsheets because they are wrapped around you. I want to wrap my legs around you. I am jealous room you sleep in because I wish you were inside me.

253. Living is moving

Baby. If there was anything I could possibly do to take away your depression, I would do it in a heartbeat. Failing that, know that I love you. I am lying here wishing I would have held you harder today, last night, and the night before. You needed it, and I feel like I did not deliver. I am sorry.

I am also very sorry for my behavior and all the ugly crying I did. I want to keep it together for you. I want to take care of you. I don’t want you to have to deal with me the way I was. But you did. You answered my questions and I feel like I understand you much better now. That makes me happy.

I love you. You are my sweet companion. I want another night with you. I miss your arms around me. I miss touching you in the night. I miss the way you move in your sleep. Life is movement. The healthiest thing to do for your heart is to move with it. You deserve more than painful love.

You deserve to be found, not lost. Perhaps you will find yourself in the loss you feel. You have so much to offer this world. I would love to see your face the moment you realize that. Your handsome face.

252. Prayer for peace

You are a lover. You love to love. I could tell you felt moments of peacefulness today. When you are peaceful, your loving nature is at its most radiant. I want to hold one another and feel peace with you. perhaps our love for one another can bring about peace.

I think sharing a love rooted in mutual respect and appreciation for one another is fundamental to a happy, peaceful relationship. Let us continue to cultivate that. Let us find sanctuary in our love. Let it be a safe and still place for us.

I want to create peace together when we make love. Let our lovemaking be a ritual to evoke connectedness, love, and romance. Let there be peace there. Let making love become like a prayer for peace.

I love you deeply.

251. Short and sweet

Dearest Baby. I can’t tell you how much I love being with you. I am so tired tonight and it’s very late. Consequently, this blog entry is very brief. What I want to get across is that I love you very much. I can’t wait to wake up and tell you all of this all over again. You are my tender man.

250. Your love

Now you have about 250 love letters from me. This particular one is about how I miss you when you’re not around. As I’ve said before, I love missing you. What I mean by that is that it doesn’t make me sad to miss you. For me, missing you means thinking about all the things I love about you and looking forward to being in your presence again. Missing you is thinking about goodness in the past, present, and future.

I miss your gentle eyes. I miss the smell of your armpits. But most of all, I miss touching each other—my hand in yours, your arms around me, breathing the same air in between deep kisses. I miss grabbing your biceps. I miss the secret messages we tell each other by rubbing our noses together in specific patterns. I miss sucking on your fingers one at a time

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you with all of my heart. Making love to you connects me to you, but also, it connects me to myself. I was born to make love to you…just as I believe I was born to love you. Both making love to you and loving you are authentic expressions of who I am.

I love loving you. I love making love to you. When we are apart. I can’t make love to you. When we are apart, I miss you. But I sure love missing you. You light up my world even when you are fifty miles away.

I love being loved by you.

249. Something from nothing

Let’s twist ourselves together into a juniper tree. I wrote that down yesterday while I was putting on my running shoes. I was thinking about being with you in Arizona. It’s going to be vare-wee woe-mantic, Mistah Wahrshboin. My Sweet Love.

Do you remember kissing on the bookstore on Friday? I whispered to you that I was going to give you some sweet loving later that evening. I also told you I had some things to say to you in reference to that sweet loving I was talking about. I never got to say them.

You had just gotten off the phone with Charlie and he had been driving you crazy. All I could think about, however, was how sexy it was that you had a son in the first place. That’s what I was thinking when o was looking at you with love during that reading. I was just considering how powerful you were because you helped make a human being from your own biological material. Here he was now, a live testament to your own ability to make something out of nothing, and you love him and contend with him.

I think you are amazing. That’s what I was thinking. And I love you.

248. Like a tube sock down a shop-vac hose

I love your laugh, especially when you are pleased with yourself, like when you got called out for just blabbing worlds or when you made me tell you why the junk shop owner played the piano at me. You are the sweetest, most handsome, silliest, hunkiest dingbat in Texas and I am gonna die tryin’ to suck your cock off you like a tube sock down a shop-vac hose.

I am gonna fuck you in a cave.

Then, I am gonna fuck you im a dome.

Then, I’m gonna fuck your in a tree.

We are going to give the stars if Arizona a five-star fuck show. We are going to kiss at sunrise and sunset. We are going to talk about god and love and death and ghosts. And we are going to laugh and cry and laugh until we cry. I love you, Craig. You are in the best parts of me.

247. Brains finding meaning

My sweetest baby. I love you so very much. I wish I could sit on your lap in public all the time and kiss your furry face. To me, you are the finest creature in all the world and all I want to do is hold you and squeeze you and love on you for as long as you’ll let me. You make me laugh, even when things are being all stupid. We are puppies rolling around in a little ball. Bunnies in the snow. Snails beneath a leaf. Brains finding meaning.

I know you’re pulled in so many directions and that many of them are not fun and a few of them are extremely painful. I hope when you look in my direction, you feel happiness. You made me feel so happy today, Sweetzy. I just can’t get enough of you. I want to give you everything. I think you are absolutely wonderful, and I can’t tell you how much joy you being to me by being my friend and lover.

246. Pedigree

I prepared to write to you tonight by reading the first handful of blogs I ever wrote to you. I have just aways been so in love with you. I have always wanted to be in this life with you. I have wanted to make sure that you always knew how much I love you.

And, of course, I still feel all those things. I am still so in love with you. I still want to be in this life with you—more than ever, actually. And I still never want you to have any doubt that I am head over heels in love with you.

I act so stupid sometimes. I am so sorry.

245. Purpose

I love cleaning my office up because it is in service of successfully studying for the bar. I am going to love studying for the bar because it is in service of my future. I am finally feeling excited about my future. I haven’t felt that way for a long time.

You provide me with a sense of purpose. The once seemingly dreadful things are appealing because they have meaning they are in service of a future with you. Passing the Bar exam is actually an act of loving you. And I love to love you.

I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love another person. You have stolen my heart.

244. Pure sugar

Not everyone is as soft and tender as you. Not everyone has a heart like yours. You are pure sugar..

You see potential in people. You certainly saw it in me. Your kindness and your sweetness turn me on so much, like two ice cubes melting down my back.

I want you to feast on me, baby. I want to spread my legs like an easel so that my pussy is a canvas for your art. I want to arch my back like a mountain you want to break on half with your rigorous fucking.

You say you’re no intellectual, but there’s no denying you touch my mind as much as you touch my body. You touch me without laying a hand on me. I love you so much, Craig. You my not be my first love, but you are the love that makes all the other loves irrelevant.

243. The Dance

Do you remember dancing with me yesterday in the hotel room? I love it when you dance with me. No one has ever danced with me before. Do you remember dancing on the sidewalk outside of that Mexican restaurant on that sad Sunday? And, of course, the White Rabbit dance. And in the main room of your guest house? And in the desert? And in the kitchen of the A-frame? I think about you holding me in your arms and dancing with me years from now. I can easily imagine it.

Thinking about it makes me cry a little bit—happy tears. I have waited my entire life to have moments like the ones you give to me. To be held like you hold me. For this romance.

I do not like drama, especially senseless interpersonal drama. But My Love, I am a sucker for the drama that is you. I love your silliness juxtaposed against your melancholy. I love that you are happy to let me coo over you like you’re my little baby, but that you also fuck my pussy soooooo hard. I love that you’re kind of complicated but also kind of not complicated. You are such a sweet, sexy, dynamic man. That’s what I mean when I say I love the drama of you.

Thanks for keeping me on my toes, Baby. I love you. I can’t wait to talk to you soon.

242. Birthday boy

Happy, happy, happy birthday, my sweeeeeetziest sweeeeetzy!!!!!!

Today is the most wonderful of all the days because it commemorates the birth of the most handsome, most sexy, most silly, and hands-down sweetest man in the entire world. I hope you have a fantastic birthday, BB. I love you with all my heart and cannot wait to see you today. I am sending all of the love in the universe to you.

Brace yourself for an epic dick sukkin’ sesh. Later, Stud.

241. True north

I have been wrong every time I’ve ever said that I have fallen in love with you. Falling means stepping off a ledge into the unknown. Falling means descending through space—empty space. Falling requires emptiness because hitting debris means the fall is broken.

With you, there’s been no falling. Only walking. Falling for you was more like walking into a house I’ve always known—a house with infinite doors leading to infinite rooms. There is no emptiness, but there is plenty of room for everything we are, everything we’ve ever been, and everything we ever will be.

I have come to understand that loving you is my true North. Kissing you cures homesickness.