You were thinking out loud during one of the Marco Polos you sent me today about how seeing one another wasn’t just for me. You were saying that, yeah, I needed you, but that also, being there for me perhaps fulfilled a need of your own. I think there’s truth to that. I think you enjoy being someone people can depend upon. In fact, you’ve told me as much.

But I think seeing me primarily serves another need of yours: self care. I think that , for you, our relationship, both times around, began out of your need to have something that you enjoyed that was only for you. You are not a selfish man. There are very few things in your life that exist independently of your responsibility towards others. There are few things you get to do just for you.

Remember when I got pissed at you for being a badass and climbing Angel’s Landing? Remember when I was bitching at you on the bus and I called you selfish and then was like, “Oh my god, I’m sorry.” I realized that you never got to be selfish. It was an epiphany—I instantly understood that you rarely did anything just for yourself and climbing that fucking deathtrap was just something you needed to do. You said you needed to do it to show yourself that you could, but really, the exact reason was less important than the fact that you did it wholly and solely in service of your own needs.

So, what I’m saying is that I think I satisfy your need to have something just for you. That’s why you protect you and me, to a certain degree. I am in your life only because you love me and enjoy me. I am just for you. I am like Angel’s Landing.

I love being what you need in the ways that I can. And I think you feel the same way. I think that’s what you were talking about in your Marco Polo when you said you needed to be there for me.

It was great seeing you happy today, Baby. I sure love you.