40. Neon Raspberry

We are two separate people, except for sometimes when making love or laughing at something in unison. The lovemaking and the laughing are the exceptions. Otherwise, we are two people together. Side by side. Playing in the space of love.

And when we are not two people side by side, playing in the space of love, then we are two people separated by space, united by love. Still playing in the space of love.

I fall asleep curled next to the silhouette of your memory. I think about breathing. I think about how every breath I take is one less to go before we can breath side by side. Until we can put our mouths together and breath as one. Until you ask me questions only my body can answer.

When you are inside me we are part of a garden that is part of a landscape that is part of a world that no one else believes in. This love is different, and being different makes it hard. This is wide open love. This is doors hanging on the hinges love. This love rips through the house and slams the cabinet doors, making them clack loudly. This love roars and whimpers throughout every room. This love rustles the sheets on all the beds. This love takes your hand, peels it open, then snaps it with a rubber band.

Our reflex is to grab this love, to clutch it. But we must learn to let it go. Over and over and over again. This love requires us to remember each other. This love requires conscientiousness and consciousness, requires us to be constructive. This love makes us work for anything concrete.

I say I am in pain but I am thriving in your love. I am a neon raspberry bouncing down the street. I am a helium balloon floating on the breaths you take during the most erotic moments of our boundless bonding.

I need you, Craig. I don’t even know what that means, entirely. But it’s a big fucking deal.

39. Owie

One more day with you to cover your chest and back with soap. one more day to see the pupils of your eyes dilated, despite the morning sun pouring in the bedroom window, because you have that much desire for me.

I need more time to lubricate you with my mouth. I want to lick your ears, your neck, your glands, and to suck each and every finger. I want to button and unbutton all the buttons on all your shirts. I want to soothe you, help you relax, and make you work.

You, Craig, Are the eternal masculine. You are the end of self-abuse. I want you to be my confidante, my final audience, the one here when I undress.

But tonight I feel a profound sense of loss. I have no use for the stars right now. Nor the sun. Nor the moon. There is no desert. There is no ocean. There is nothing good.

This too shall pass.

38. Pictures of us (from cassidy’s phone)

37. Tomorrow

The sort of wonder I feel when I think about you and me is he sort of wonder you feel when you see a word over and over again until it loses it’s meaning within the context of language and start understanding for what it actually is: an assemblage of sounds.

When I see you, I am going to jump on you, high as I can, and let my hands wander all over you as we kiss. I’m going to touch your face. I’m going to touch your neck. Your shoulders. Your back. Your arms. Your hands.

And then we are are going to run away together.

36. Teaching the World

I know what you meant. We’re going to teach the world how to love. That is to say, the world will see us loving each other on such a level that it can’t ignore and subsequently be transformed by it. Yes! That’s how it works baby. Call me crazy but it does in my mind at least.

Hot Tub Agenda:

We’re going to walk to the hot tub hand-in-hand with whatever accoutrements we desire. We shall get there and I’ll hop in first, testing the water. Hop in my love. Sit in front of me so I can hold you and we can watch the sun set over the horizon. It’ll be magnificent! We’ll be in that bubble of love and desire…touching each other the way we do. After we’re forced to leave, or we can’t stand it any more, we will go back to our beautifully nasty bohemian buss. I can’t wait to be in that bus with you baby. That bus won’t be the same afterwards.

God I miss you. I need you, I love you, I want you………………

35. Quick observation

When I wake up tomorrow, I can say there is only one more night left before I get to go sleep knowing I’ll see you the next day.

34. You are the Good

You and I are building a loving relationship as if we are collaborating on a piece of art together.

We commune. I looked it up. According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, when ‘commune’ is used as a verb, it means “to get very close to someone or something by exchanging feelings or thoughts.”

We collaborate and commune together.

I did not tell my biological father that I am in love with you. He could just tell. How do I know this? Well, following our dinner yesterday, he wrote a haiku, which he shared with me today. Here it is:

my daughter's in love.

I'm happy for her full heart

unafraid of pain

Baby, my heart is full. It swells when I think about being with you. My love spills out of my eyes and drips off my voice when I mention you. The trees know. The flowers know. The birds know. The people know.

And I am not afraid of pain. Or, rather, even if I am, I shove that fear aside because I know that we cannot have what we have without the risk of pain (intense pain). Love and pain go hand in hand. You also know this. You know that you can’t have one without the risk of the other.

The truth is that for the duration of most of the years I’ve been alive, I have longed for your lips against my lips. I have longed for your lips on my body.

For as long as I’ve known how to kiss, I have longed for lips, your lips, to kiss me on my heart and on my brain.

You know exactly how to kiss me, where to kiss me, and when. And then you go back and kiss any place you may have missed.

When you kiss me, it travels to a place that sends messages to my fingers and toes, and then onward to a place that feels something like home.

When you kiss me, music plays out of nowhere on its own. How could I ever have settled for anything less than your lips?

When you kiss me, you are speaking sense into the world. You are the Good defining itself.

33. Dehydration, Starvation, and Cassieation

Case Study:

They say that the average person can go without water for about three days. After that, dehydration becomes fatal. For the human body the need for water is more important. Food is a different story. On average, most humans can go without food for about 10 days. Some can survive for about 21 days depending on conditioning, activity, and genetics. Humans will eventually succumb to fatal starvation after that.

On average, Craig has gone 2-3 days without kissing his love Cassidy. There was one brief stint where he went 6 days in which he suffered acute heart ache and severe longing. He would also be observed in a daze and staring into the distance with headphones listening to way too many love songs.

Currently, Craig is being observed on day 3 of a 7 separation from kissing his love Cassidy. Similar symptoms are arising but will he succumb to fatal Cassieation? Can he make it? He’s set his eye on Friday will get him through these troubled times but he knows he needs her. Like food and water, he needs her kisses.

32. The trees know

We don’t need to carve our initials into a tree because there is not a living thing on earth that we can pass by together that is not aware that we are in love. The trees know. The flowers know. The birds know. The people know.

31. Sweet tooth

I just stood and stared lovingly at my a picture you sent me of yourself flipping me off for like five full minutes.

Two minutes later…

I just went back and stared at the same picture again for another two minutes. I swear to god I do not miss you all day long. Really. I swear.

Had to memorialize my feelings in the form of a sexy selfie:

I want you to imagine eating them off of me.

Craig, I want you to know that I consider my relationship with you to be valid. You are not secondary. You are not a supplement. You are your own dang thing.

We are together. Maybe not in the sense that either of us is able to focus exclusively on the other all the time. But I don’t think that makes us any less together. I could do this forever. I really could.

30. Stars in the sky, sand in the desert

Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraig!

The moment you cum inside my pussy is one of truth and beauty. Then, I hold you in my arms as you bounce and rejoice. I am undone by the strength of my love for you. We cannot count our kisses any more than we can count the stars in the night sky or grains of sand in the desert.

I feel like I would be content to lather you with soap for hours. How I long just to wash your feet and pat them dry with a warm, clean towel. I want to make a bed for us, then sprawl out on it naked, waiting for you to take me.

i have an innate understanding of what you need from this relationship, of what you need from me. I live to give it to you. I think you also possess a deep understanding of what I need from you. You said as much when you told me you got how I needed a special sort of person to give me the kind of love I needed. And you certainly give me exactly what I need.

This is happening, Craig For real. We are both very vulnerable. I catch myself wondering if it’s wrong for me to know what you need and give it to you. This is because if I didn’t know what you need and act on this knowledge, you would probably hurt less. I hate the idea of causing you to hurt. How can I be gentle with your heart when I know that, in a certain and specific sense, it hurts for you to love me?

That being said, there’s just not a fucking world where I could ever not give you everything I can.. So, I put the fear mentioned above aside. I don’t bury the fear. I don’t deny that it exists. But I refuse to let it distract me from my one intention—to love the fucking fuck out of you to the limit. That is, if there even is a limit.

Thank you for another amazing day, my love. Being around you is such a joy.

29. Bite bite

Waking up with you this morning was probably the most erotic event of my life.

I want to rub the sound of your voice all over me. I can’t believe I’m going to get to wake up with you every morning for 10 mornings. I don’t expect for you to immediately go down on me every single morning upon my waking, however, I certainly would not mind. Lol. Just saying.

So, hey, we fuck a lot.. It’s wonderful. But I equally cherish the time we spend not fucking . I love talking to you, holding your hand while you drive, eating beef jerky out of your hand while I drive, watching you talk to your mom (and your wife) on the phone in a booth at Outback Steakhouse, eating conveyor belt pancakes from the weird machine at the the Holiday Inn Express, spying on my mom, pumpin gas, and running. I love running with you. It’s just fun. I like giving you a sweaty kiss in the middle of it all too.

I agree with what you said about how it just feels right when we are together. You are an excellent companion. I don’t have words just yet to describe why it is that we work so well, but I have a feeling you and I will get to the bottom of it together. I love talking through things with you, I love how the same voice that asks me if I’ve ever had someone go down on me first thing in the morning also talks to me about how to navigate interpersonal relationships.

And I love how that same voice sings to me.

As you are well aware, I am in love with you and I am falling ever more deeply in love with you each and every day. You are the greatest romance I have ever had and that I ever will have.

You are the great love of my life. I am sure of this. .

28. Good Night x6, Good Morning x1

I feel asleep at around 9:30 last night and here’s the timeline:

10:30ish: work up thinking about you…. fell back asleep thinking about you. Good night Love.

11:30ish: work up thinking about you…. fell back asleep thinking about you. Good night Love.

12;30ish: work up thinking about you…. fell back asleep thinking about you. Good night Love.

2:30ish: work up thinking about you…. fell back asleep thinking about you. Good night Love.

3:30ish: work up thinking about you…. fell back asleep thinking about you. Good night Love.

4:15: I just woke up thinking about you… Good Morning Baby! 8)

Yeah. That’s how it went. Despite this I do feel rested though.

I’m looking forward to seeing you today baby. I want to make love to you like no other can. I love running my hands across your body and I love holding your face when I kiss you thousands of times. The skin is indeed the bodies largest organ and I’ll be your organist 8-).

I also need to just hold you in my arms tonight though too. I want to hold you closely and fall asleep all the while still softly touching your precious skin. I want you to feel desired, wanted, valuable. adored and loved by me.

Wow.. I’m sitting here naked in my chair typing this about to prepare for a run. Precum is happening. Just sayin’

See you soon baby

27. Whenever i reach for you

Thank you for talking to me today about my history with Tim. It’s not something I’ve spent a whole lot of time explaining and it feels clumsy to articulate it. I really appreciate your patience.

Last night I paid particular attention to the way your hands feel gliding and resting on my body while we make love. Just having your hands on me feels amazing. I’ve read that the skin is the body’s largest organ.

I miss you baby. I loved sleeping with you last week. I love throwing a leg over you, love feeling those arms whenever I reach for you. There is a particular state of contentment I have sleeping next to you that I cannot achieve in your absence. I reach for you at night, every night.

I ache for you. I truly ache.

Tomorrow cannot come soon enough.

26. Catullus 5

Hi baby, it’s super late and I am filled with love and longing as I lay down to sleep. The feeling of being with you is still pulsing through my veins.

I’m going to leave a short sweet poem by Catullus, one of his more famous ones, and one that he got shit for writing from his friends. The shit he got for writing this poem inspired him to write the other poem I was talking about, where tells those who mock him for writing sweet poems that he will, among other things, face fuck them. But this poem, the poem I am providing below, is not about face fucking. It’s about kissing. Lots of kissing. The sort of kissing you and I do together.

I cannot wait for more kisses, Craig. Thousands. Hundreds of thousands. Millions more.

Catullus 5

Lesbia, come, let us live and love, and be
deaf to the vile jabber of the ugly old fools,
the sun may come up each day but when our
star is out…our night, it shall last forever and
give me a thousand kisses and a hundred more
a thousand more again, and another hundred,
another thousand, and again a hundred more,
as we kiss these passionate thousands let
us lose track; in our oblivion, we will avoid
the watchful eyes of stupid, evil peasants
hungry to figure out
how many kisses we have kissed.

25. Awesome

I cannot wait to make love to you tomorrow. I want to spread my legs for you so that you can get very close. I want to press my mouth against your ear and tell you I want you over and over again. But most of all I want to kiss you, to be kissed by you.

I really loved when you started telling me what I could do to be a good girl today. It was a huge turn on for me, despite having to cut it off as we were just getting started. I love your eyes on me. I love your voice. I love pleasing you. I love knowing you want to fuck me. Just thinking about you wanting me makes my pussy hot and throbbing.

I want you. I want you. I want you

But what I need is to lay with you and talk to you and laugh with you and just be with you. You really are becoming my best friend. I think that’s part of why I brought up the topic of fear tonight. There’s this sense of us and becoming. A sense that we are becoming something bigger in scope and scale, even though we don’t know what it is. And that’s maybe part of why I had fear on the brain. Something bigger is coming and I don’t know what it is.

But I don’t think I’m scared. I think I’m in awe.

24. Love and Desire

First of all, thank you for letting me be a contributing editor to your website via our secret blog. Letting me into this speaks volumes to your trust in me. I don’t take that lightly.

I’m going to speak of my love for you. It’s intense and light at the same time in that you are constantly in my swollen heart, but a freedom exists between us that allows us to soar and grow. Oh, I’m possessive of you for sure and the desire of my heart is your happiness — I believe you feel the same way. It means that I adore you and hold you close to my heart. It’s a deep friendship, an undeniable connection, a yearning, an INTENSE physical desire. It’s not only you being in my heart but me tucked away in yours. It’s not something I want to possess but rather to let move between us like “…a moving sea, between the shores of your (our) souls.” Love for love’s sake. Us dancing in the space of love. I don’t ever want to lose you as part of my life - EVER! It’s pouring myself out to you and I’m trusting you with my heart Cassie.

I want to talk of my physical desire for you. It’s intense and visceral. It’s special and unique to me for you and I know you feel it when we make love. Its intention and its sincerity is not for anyone else. It’s for you and once again, we’re in accord when I feel no one else can do that for you like I can. I want to give into your sexual desires and play in that space with you. There’s nothing off the table in that regard. I want to know your secret places. I want to be inside your warm spaces.

I could go on and on and on about you Cassie….. I love you.

23. The Dichotomy of Free will & Destiny, plus Craig’s Appreciation of My Fat Azzz.

So, like, we’re soulmates. That entails no small amounts of destiny and sense of fatefulness. But I think there is also a great amount of intentionality baked into the fibers of our relationship, and that is what I’m going to explore below before moving onto another discussion. Probably about your cock, but no promises as I presently write this.

What I mean is that we both have very much made a conscious decision to proceed with this relationship. You have chosen to love for love’s sake. So have I. We allowed ourselves to fall in love, on the one hand. On the other hand, we tumbled freewheeling into love with one another. How does that work?

Here’s my take: I don’t think I could have stopped fallen in love with you. I do think I could have gotten freaked out by being loved. But I didn’t. We’ve talked about it extensively. I decided to take the enormous amount of love you send my way. I snatch it up. I fucking roll around in it naked like my little sister with the dollar bills. Then I give it back. And you take it.

But I also think I chose to receive your love because of the quality of the love you have to give…which gets us back to compatibility, which takes us back to the subject of soulmates our fates and the stars…and stuff.

I guess what I’m getting at is that there is this wonderful tension between our own autonomous decision making and the sense that we’re meant for one another. I don’t think it’s really possible to reconcile the two things, and I don’t think we have to. I just thought it was interesting. That’s all.

Next, I think it’s a good time to dip onto our chat transcript. This segment is the first place the phrase happy daddy appears in the text thread. Other notable points in the conversation include our discussion of the feedback loop and you telling me you wanna take my fat azzzzz from behind. Lol.

I adore you, Craig. You bring me so much joy. Case in point.

22. Yours

I want you to know that for as long as I am alive, my body will be yours to hold. Being held by you one day every week, or every month, or every year is enough. If I had to make a choice, one more night with you would be worth every other night for the rest of my life with anyone else.

Here’s to Utah, our next Lalal Land, where I can see your handsome face light up the Home Screen on my phone. I love that picture because it’s colorful and fun—no one would disagree. But the other reason I love it is because you took it from the angle I see you when I’m laying on top of you and we’re talking and we’re laughing. To me, you captured the essence of those sacred moments in that picture.

You know how I said no one can give you what you need better than I can? Do you realize that about yourself with respect to me? Do you know deep down that no one can give me what I need better than you? That is not a rhetorical question. I want to know if you find yourself feeling that way.

I feel like you must know that. Do you?

How could there be anyone else?

21. Rabbit in the Headlights

I want to make it clear that the way you laid it on me last night upon my arrival provided me with an out of body experience. I can still feel the weight of you on top of me, bearing down on me, as if you were pushing the moans out of my body. It was as if the moans from me were traveling from my pussy, through my stomach, across my heart, in order to pour out of my mouth. The laughing and giggling, though? I don’t know where there came from. All I can say is that they were done in response to how amazing you were making me feel in that moment

2 hours later….

Craig. My baby. I am sitting in the chair at the Upper Hand Salon and it has recently occurred to me that I don’t remember putting my dress or my underwear in my red bag. I went out to my car and looked on the bag to confirm which garments were there and which were not. The underwear are there. The dress and my bra are not.

All I can think about is what it would do if anyone found them there and knew they belonged to a strange friend of yours and I am beside myself over it. I’ve told you. You say it’s okay. I believe you. But it shook me.

I do not want to hurt your family.

I do not want to lose you.

I am so sorry.