100. New Digs

I have built a new nest for us baby. There is more yet to do, but I could not live one more day in a world where I could not sign into a mobile app and put my feelings for you into writing. It’s late and dealing with web domains and site migration has deprived me the vitality required to write sentences that don’t suck—like this sentence sucks. I hope the form of this post (i.e. the fact that it exists and is available to be read and edited from the mobile app) conveys what it lacks in substance.

This post exists here and now because I love you here and now. There will be more posts to follow because I will keep on loving you…and because I love you, I must write you love letters.

99. Shook up

Baby. This is so hard. I need you to hold me. I want to believe you’ll always be there. It is breaking my heart to have that called into question.

I told you I needed some time to heal and I feel like I am getting somewhere with that healing until something comes up.

I am very, very sensitive. I want you to know that I am putting everything I have into handling myself. But like I said above, it is so hard.

Nothing soothes me like being held by you. And I need you to hold me. And you cannot. But I need it so badly through this.

98. From the bottom of my mended heart

Here is the truth from the bottom of my heart:: the thing I love the most about being with you is that I do not have to pretend to be anything I am not. You know me. You love me.

The way you ran up on me in the parking lot was one of those things I’ve always dreamed about. I love being swept up in your strong, sexy ar,ms, your gentle eyes. When you hold me, it’s not just me but the entire universe, that breathes with ease. This is what it has been like and how it remains.

BANG. BOOM. FUCK YEAH. That’s the sounds at takeoff. But the sound of falling in love with you is the soft and satisfying sound of all the pieces falling into place.

Craig, I don’t know how else to put this, but as I fall in love with you, I can feel my heart getting glued back together..

97. Good stuff ahead

Baby. Baby. Baby!!!

I just love being around you. I can’t ever hardly wait until I see you again. I had the most amazing afternoon and evening with you. I’m laying here now at my moms house just replaying the memory of your lips against mine. Oh yeah, and im wearing your shirt

Im also thinking about your voice. I’ve told you before that I just love the way you talk. I love the sounds you make. I love how your accent shifts around.. I love how you say my name. But I also like it when you call me “baby.”

I cannot wait to go to the theatre with you. It is one of my most favorite things to do and it means so much to me that you’re going with me. I know I keep saying it, but I have a feeling you and I will particularly find enjoyment in the Seascape play. If, however. for some reason, we aren’t able to get tickets, I will be fine—because I get to spend the evening with you. And to me, there’s nothing better than that.

I had better get to sleep. I have to be up at 3:40 A.M. in order to leave here by 4:40. It’s gonna be a helluva day, but I’m ready for it because I am fueled by your jizz and the memory of how wonderful I feel when I see you looking at me with love in your eyes.

Goodnight, handsomest handsome.

96. Too much me for me

I wrote a really long post and deleted it because, while I love myself, I am sorta sick of me right now, That being said, I love you and am not sick of you. In fact, I really, really need you more than almost anything right now.

95. Good morning, sweet love

Dearest Craig,

I’m sitting here, car running, at memorial park. I’m about to start my 17 miler. We both had a late night baby, and although we weren’t together, I want you to know you were on my mind throughout. I had such a sexy and sensual day with you yesterday with all the FaceTiming and Marco Polo-ing. I’m sure you’re getting some needed rest right now, but I just wanted to take a moment before I start my workout to tell you that I love you and will carry you with me over the course of all the miles to come this morning.

I love you,

Your Cassie

P.S. don’t forget nostalgia!!! 🎶🎵💋❤️💋❤️🎶🎵

93. Marco Polo Retrospective

My Darling Craig,

In lieu of a traditional post, I thought Id mix it up. I have tons of video (via Marco Polo) of me talking extensively to Megan about you and me, Since they track the development of my love for you, I thought you might be interested. I never thought I’d be sharing them with you, so that gives them a certain candid quality.

The links to the videos I thought were most share-worthy are below. All of the videos are password protected and the password is the same for all of them: awholenewwworld. (All lowercase.)

I love you with all I have., baby.

Love,

Cassie

July 13- Here’s me gossiping with Megan about what’s going on between you and me at that point in time. This was when I went out there and you took me to Hodge Podge Lodge and we sang and I accidentally had to stay the night.

July 14 Part 1 - Here’s me talking about our wonderful date. I’m sorry for briefly stating that Stephen was sexy, however, I am obviously more interested in talking about getting down with you.

July 14 Part 2 - Just more general storytelling about our time together.

July 28 Part 1 - After the bar. After the wig, Before sleep. 1 A.M. Parking garage.

July 28 Part 2 - Here I am saying what I had to say about love and other things related to you. You had just left for the long weekend.

August 16 - The vibe in this video is as follows: Spa planning. Find Me Fuck Me. Everything I’ve ever wanted.

DISCLAIMER: I now know your office isn’t hexagon shaped.

August 30 - First morning in Park City A-frame. No longer roughing it. Here we are in our robes.

September 1 - In the thick of the Most Romantic Vacation I’ve Ever Had.

92. All Lines End at Craig-Town

Love is just a nice word that tries to do its job when I say I love you. Bless its little heart. Bless all the little hearts of all the little words that try and fail to convey what I feel for you and the significance of those feelings to me.

When I say I love you I mean I admire you. When I say I love you I mean I find solace in you. When I say I love you I mean that I want to protect and improve your welfare and circumstances. When I say I love you I mean that you have irrevocably changed me and how I see the world.

Every train of thought, no matter its nature, it’s origin, or duration, ends at your station. I would accuse fate of destiny, but for the plain fact that I drive the train. My agency in the course of my journey to you is worth noting because I have an ability to know in my gut what I need and the tendency to doggedly pursue it. In other words, I’m headed to Craig-town because I’m a fuckin’ survivor, baby. And I know what’s best for me.

91. Sukkin’ And Fukkin’

I’m looking forward to opening the door and seeing you standing there. I always rush to kiss you so quickly that I barely have time to see you first. I’m going to try not doing that. Can you help me? Can you take my face in your hands as say, “good morning, tiny baby. I love you?” Then, just look at me for a long moment. I want to feel you leaning down to kiss me. I want to receive. I want softness.

I want to float just above you in my bathtub while I clean your ears. I want you to hold me and say dirty things in mine. I want you to pretend to lay eggs for me to collect while I call you “my pretty bird.” I want you to say my name with purpose like you did earlier yesterday on the phone after clicking back over from another call. I liked that a lot.

Sweet, sweet, Craig, I sure like being around you. Please read the following sentence twice: You comfort my soul with your words and with your touch.

90. We go on dates

Well god damn. Tonight I got to sit at an empty bar at a hotel for which I harbor a somewhat unjustifiable affection with you, the most handsome, most fun, most sexy man in the universe. You fed me crab cakes. We talked about babies and dying.

You are the best company.

Then you went and wrote me a poem.

It was the most romantic poem I’ve ever had written for me.

89. Tunnel of love

I want you to know that I spent the entire evening digging a tunnel from my place to yours. I managed to finish it, but I was so tired that I didn’t pop up and say hi. Besides, how would I explain myself? So I just stayed there under the earth, under your house, under your life, and cried myself to sleep. I crawled back home on my hands and knees. Not because there wasn’t room for me to stand up and walk, but because it seemed like the right thing to do, given my mood.

But I have to admit, it’s a nice tunnel. It’s lit by candlelight from thousands of Trapp No. 68 candles. It’s lined with photographs of you and me, all hung in ornate golden frames, depicting the unforgettable moments we’ve shared.

I did not crawl from the country soil to kiss you because I could not do so. Neither did I drag you down there with me for a quick kiss. Subterranean environments are no place to kiss a lady. I dug the tunnel as a means of getting to you, but it is not a venue for our love. The tunnel is literally and figuratively beneath our love.

88. My love still grows II

The very way you love me is the sweetest, most romantic, most loving thing I’ve ever experienced. Being with you is so natural. I felt so connected and in love with you as I touched you all over your hair, face, and body in that bathtub. The love and for you and sense of connectednesses I felt that night have only grown since then.

Being around you is like finding the next word in a sentence. You are an aha moment come to life. I can talk to you for hours and never be bored. Little things with you—things like taking a nap or going to the grocery store—are special adventures saved in my memory bank.

I also love you so very much.

87. The Most Romantic Spa Time I’ve Ever Had

I intended to publish my spa day checklist from our trip a long time ago and forgot to do it. I present it now for your edification.

The Most Romantic Spa Time

  • Place robe and several bath towels in dryer

  • Have slippers ready

  • Put slippers next to bathtub.

  • Light candles

  • Slice oranges

  • Put cloths in boiling water.

  • Remove them into sink, allowing hot water to continuously run over them.

  • Simmer water.

  • Draw bath.

  • Dry brush Craig

  • Tell him how much you love him.

  • Add bath bombs.

  • Add bubble bath

  • Add Craig

  • Tell him how much you love him.

  • Put hot water in bowl

  • Add orange slices

  • Have Craig put head in bowl with towel over his head.

  • Have Craig breath deep for 60-120 seconds

  • Tell him how you love him.

  • Get in bath with Craig

  • Lather him With Morten Brown bath gel

  • Lovingly pat face dry

  • Spray face with cucumber spray

  • Tell him how much you love him.

  • Apply Roots to dry hair

  • Comb through.

  • Double cleanse

  • Spray face with cucumber spray

  • Tell him how much you love him.

  • Apply chocolate mask (3 minutes)

  • Massage face with rose quartz tool,

  • Remove mask

  • Pat face dry

  • Spray face with cucumber spray

  • Tell him how much you love him.

  • Apply drunk elephant glycolic mask (3-5 min)

  • Massage scalp while mask sits

  • Remove mask using hot towel.

  • Pat face dry

  • Spray face with cucumber spray

  • Tell him how much you love him.

  • Apply oatmeal mask (5-10 minutes)

  • Drain tub significantly

  • Scrub with commingle.

  • Fill tub up.

  • Rinse commingle off

  • Add another bath bomb

  • Add more bubbles.

  • Rinse mask off

  • Pat face dry.

  • Spray face with cucumber spray

  • Tell him how much you love him.

  • Apply brush strokes mask (5-10 minutes)

  • Massage neck and shoulders with scrubbee

  • Do lip scrub.

  • Rinse mask off

  • Pat face dry.

  • Spray face with cucumber spray

  • Tell him how much you love him.

  • Apply face serum.

  • Use rose quartz to roll face.

  • Shampoo hair

  • Scalp massage

  • Rinse hair

  • Squeeze out excess water from hair.

  • Kiss him.

  • Tell him how much you love him.

  • Apply hair mask. (10 min)

  • Comb through.

  • Scalp massage

  • Beard serum

  • Face massage

  • Kissing

  • Rinse hair

  • Tell him how much you love him.

  • Drain tub

  • Get towels from dryer

  • Warm more water on stove

  • Put water in a bowl and place bowl on top of towel

  • Add epsom salt to bowl and stir. Add orange/lemon wheels to water.

  • Pat Craig dry

  • Tell him how much you love him

  • Take him by the hand and have him sit so he can place his feet in the water bowl.

  • Allow his feet to soak (5 min)

  • Massage hands and forearms with helping hands.

  • Rub lemon butter into cuticles.

  • Scrub feet with pumice.

  • Scrub feet with 4 in one tool.

  • Massage feet with magic crystals

  • Apply volcano foot mask

  • Pat feet dry

  • Apply foot powder.

  • Tell him how how much you love him.

  • Lead him to the bed

  • Massage him

  • Fuck his brains out.

  • Tell him how how much you love him.

86. The truth

I am standing at the precipice of either being with you or losing you. I am so scared of saying the wrong thing. What if there are some specific words you need to hear and I fail to say them?

You are everything I have ever dreamed of and more. I want to be with you more than I want anything in the entire world.

I have been falling further and further in love with you since the day we started talking again. I started this blog just over three months ago, on July 27th, after we’d been talking for just over three weeks. So many words about my love for you and about the wonderment of you and me being together. So many words about the joy and happiness I experience in your company. So many words about the longing and sense of loss I experience in your absence.

So many words since then. All of them true. Well, almost all of them. On July 28, I wrote “we are at the beginning of a long, good, old-fashioned love affair.” Little did I know at the time that our affair would not be long. I really thought I could just live the rest of my life as your secret girlfriend if that was how we could be together. Well, actually, I still think I would do that if that’s what you wanted. But it’s not

I also said in that same entry that wanting you meant wanting all of you, including the things you might bring, which meant I could get hurt. I said bring it, I want you, every last drop. And you really have. I have luxuriated in you.

Since I don’t have the right words, here are some true words. The truth is that I want to grow old with you. The truth is that we are meant for one another. The truth is that I am yours. The truth is beautiful even when it’s hard. And if it’s not beautiful, then it’s at least elegant.

The truth is that I love you.

The truth is that I have so much love to give you.

The truth is that I need your love.

85. Getting organized

If everything goes according to plan, I will be through with my warm up and belting out one of the first intervals of my track workout when you first read this. It’s a really nasty workout. 15 minute warm up jog. Four minutes at 6:50-7:00 pace followed by 90 seconds of recovery. Repeat ten times. Ten minute cool down. I am not sure how in the world I am gonna make this happen. It exceeds my comfort zone and is actually more difficult than any (running) workout I’ve ever done. But I’m going to try.

In order to make it happen, I’ll need to be getting into it at about 4:30. That means I need to be walking out my door at 4:15. And in order to make that happen, I have laid out my run gear, packed my gym bag, and prepared my hydration.

Similarly, I will now organize my thoughts and feelings about you as I drift off to sleep. It really helps when my love for you is at the front of my mind when I’m trying something hard. I draw on it for strength and energy. Like the perfect word dripping off the tip of my tongue in verbal battle. Like a great wind carrying me across the sky.

I love you. I’d like to honor my love for you by placing it at the forefront of everything I do when I am with you tomorrow. I want to kiss you from love, take you inside me from love, and speak to you from love and with love. I will hold you and run my fingertips all over you. I will give you everything.

84. Mama mia!

So, I’m concerned about my mother because, after speaking with her tonight, I could tell that she was feeling completely overwhelmed by her obligation to work as the presiding election judge on November 8. I know how proud she is to have taken the initiative to get involved in the election process. I also know that she is as terrified of failing to rise to the occasion as she is proud.

My concern is that something will indeed go sideways with this whole thing and that she will be really hard on herself about it. Like, screwing this up will validate her belief that she is not fit to go out and be a part of the world outside her home.

Here are the legit reasons I forecast some degree of mishap on November 8:

  • there are many moving parts for her to oversee as part of her role as presiding election judge

  • she is a bit rusty when it comes to dealing with people

  • she’s never been a strong multitasker, and given the fact that her health is pretty crappy lately

  • she is already exhibiting a lot of anxiety, which tends to make her freeze up

The only things I can really do are (1) make sure I am prepared to do my job and (2) familiarize myself with her duties. Oh, and find her clerks.

She is short on clerks and I told her I would do what I could to find more. I was going to ask you, as I alluded to earlier, but realized that, even if you were willing and able, you wouldn’t be able to do so because clerks have to be registered to vote in Harris County.

The sum of my worries surrounding my mother is that I can’t stand to see her get her feelings hurt by the world and that there are limited actions I can take to mitigate the likelihood of that happening.

I know we said we’d discuss in the morning, but I wanted to go ahead and write this all out because….well, you know how I am. I realize this is much less romantic and sexy than my usual blog fodder and I will make up for that later. For now, I just needed to define my issue with some words for you because I know you will read them and that you care. Thank you for that.

Craig, I really can’t tell you enough how much I love you. I can’t wait to hear your voice.

Have a great workout, my sweet man.

83. Silly and sweet

It’s that time of the evening, baby. Time for me to excuse myself to my chamber and profess my wild and beautiful love for you and to you. I had the greatest time sweeting on you today. (“Sweeting” is the verb I made up to describe the act of being sweet.)

And oh, the sweeting this afternoon. I find such joy in making love to you while acting goofy. I look at you with total adoration while remaining acutely aware of the contours of your cock tucked deeply in my pussy. My love for the person you are wells up inside me and pushes against your cock, creating a pressure cooker that will eventually explode for my orgasmic pleasure. This, of course is a metaphor, but it tells the bigger truth…because that’s what metaphors do.

I keep watching my little video of you I took today of you doing the Kate Bush Dance at the Post Apocalyptic Market. We just have a fucking blast together, don’t we? That is a rhetorical question. I can tell you agree.

I think what I’m trying to say in so many words is that we are on this lifelong journey of figuring out who you and I are as a couple, and one of the things that stands out as being quintessentially Craig and Cassidy is that we are good at being silly. We are also good at fucking and kissing. And, of course, at sweeting.

I love you. I need you. I want you. I miss you. Goodnight sweeeeeetz.

82. Sweeting meeting

Thank you for coming to see me. It makes all the difference in the world to me for you to hold me when I’m feeling sad. I hope having my arms wrapped around you helps you as much as it does me. I feel restored. So, come on over, darlin’. I’m ready to play. I’m ready to be real sweet to you.